When Everyone Is Staying Home

For over 30 years I have been urging members of families  to appreciate how important they are to each other, and now with the ever present reminders that social gatherings are shutting down to try to minimize the impacts of this novel coronavirus, there seems to be a new conversation about what it means to be home with your kids all day, or how to relate to your spouse when you are both searching for new ways to manage work and home responsibilities and concerns in the same home space. Together time is on the rise all of a sudden. 

Here are a few quick tips from years of working with couples and parents to build and keep strong and rewarding relationships. RANDY'S TIPS:

(1) Acknowledge each other when you enter a room where they are, or they enter in a room where you are. Letting someone else know you are aware of their presence is extremely valuable, even if you just saw them 10 minutes ago somewhere else.

(2) Be open about your concerns. Don't let worries build up without letting others know your are feeling stress. They are likely to be a bit more generous with their time and their compassion. If they try to talk you out of it, be sure to own your feelings and listen but don't accept any judgment about your right to your feelings.

(3) Ask. Ask what they are thinking currently about any mutual concerns, like what to do with or for the children, how to pay bills with less money coming in, how to stock up on food, water, or paper goods and so on. Let them know their concerns and wishes are important to you.

(4) Be sensitive to age-appropriate communication with kids and elders. As a parent, part of your job is the shield you child from concerns too complex or unimaginable for their age or maturity. Be sure to let them know that things will sort themselves out okay. For elders, try not to burden them with concerns they can do nothing about. If your the sandwich generation, reassurance both up and down is your role, while you seek to take care of yourself through networks who can support you without taking on extra stress. 

(5) In close quarters, communication means everything, so you won't get on each other's nerves but instead feel supported and loved. At the same time, quiet and time alone must be respected too. Respect each family member's space and time to themselves. 

(6) Keep things in perspective. Things that may be annoying or frustrating on a normal day may need to be overlooked when new ways of being and interacting are emerging.

(7) Whether it's your partner, your child, or your elder, repeat often how you appreciate them, appreciate having them in your life, the little things they do every day, the silly things which amuse you and endear them to you, how you love them, your memories together, and your wishes for their future.

(8) Plan some good excuses to laugh together. Funny movie, silly game, preparation of a favorite meal, funny memories, family albums (real or digital!), a phone call or video call with a beloved relative.

I hope these thoughts help enrich your day!