Back to School Tips

Back to School Tips

Before your child starts another year of school, it can help to get in touch with exactly what is the role of school in your family's life? Although home school can be an option, most families do delegate schooling to our government or privately supported school systems. But for each family what role the school plays can be different and can change over time. It can vary from on the one hand setting up the family's whole life around the school activities to on the other hand letting the child deal with school on his own and continuing as usual with family patterns as before.  
 

It is good to know where you stand on this continuum and discuss it with your spouse or partner, if any, in parenting, so that you can avoid misunderstandings and potential conflict later. If one parent wants to oversee all homework projects before play and the other would rather see the child play until it's dark and then do what she or he can on her or his own, the child will be caught in the middle and maybe even figure out how to get her or his own way which may not suit either parent.

As we would expect, most studies of how children function in school suggest that moderation is key. Children must find their own way to adjust to the rigors of school, but they also, as children, need the guidance and support of their parents.

Some intriguing studies have shown that children's report cards improved when the parents took more of a hands off approach, avoiding adding pressure to the pressure already inherent in the school teaching environment. Offer answers and help when asked, but avoid micromanaging their school interactions.

There is plenty to do at home as a parent,. Setting schedules is much easier if it is done before school starts, or at least early in the year. Depending on the child's age and maturity, do what you can to involve the child in setting the schedule. But remember who is in charge and be sure there are enough hours for sleep, breakfast and dinner, and family social time. That pretty much uses up whatever is left after school and homework. But these parts of a child's day are every bit as important as schooling.

It is during these family times that children pick up what is important and valuable to their parents, what lifestyle choices will stand them in good stead for life, and how to interact in a more comfortable informal setting, rather than the largely artificial setting of school, where a hoard of children respond to a few authoritative adults who are non-family and where the day is broken up into managed segments over which the child has no control.

Be sure to take time before and after school to greet the child with caring and a smile. Try to avoid last minute reminders in the morning, or grilling in the afternoon. The child will tend to have more self-confidence if it is clear that the parent-child relationship is still more important than the child-school relationship.

And let go of perfectionist tendencies. Kids will make mistakes, forget their assignment, forget their ball, forget what the teacher said, etc. If you give them space without shame to do better next time, they will learn much more quickly than if they think they have let you down.

Make sure their home diet is up to your standards, as the challenges at school regarding diet can be daunting. Studies show that if quality food, which is relatively free of chemical additives, fabricated food products, and highly refined or artificially flavored foods, is made available to kids, they will tend to eat a healthy diet over the course of a week. So make meals a fun social time, not a stressful time for lectures.  And also be careful about body image issues.

But do have meals. Have the kids help prepare them and they will be better eaters. And be sure to have healthy snacks for after school. The parent's example is always stronger than anyone else's, especially in the early years.

There's a lot to think about, but the pay-off is worth it. So many children today are missing breakfast, not getting a good night's sleep, and then snacking on sugary and/or chemical-laden drinks, candies, and baked goods. It is no wonder attention and behavior problems are on the rise.

Encourage your children to have compassion for those kids, but let them know you are serious about your job to help them avoid these problems.

You can find much more in my books, You Can Postpone Anything But Love, and The Seven Secrets of Successful Parents.

Randy Rolfe Take Home Tips: Just as parents have a whole lot going on in their work day, whether at a job, as an entrepreneur, or as home administrator, so children have a full day at school. Their stresses can be just as frustrating and depleting, or as satisfying and enlivening, as our day has been. So we do well to respect their experiences and listen compassionately when they share them. Remember that your child's emotional life is at least as complex as your own. That way you both will feel better when you are sharing your mornings and evenings and weekends together. http://www.parenthoodtools.com.

Parenting Resolutions for 2013!

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

Parenting is perhaps the most important activity in all of human existence. And it can be incredibly difficult, worrisome, and exhausting, as well as exhilarating, fulfilling, and joyful. Are there simple steps which can make it easier on a day to day basis without jeopardizing long term success?

As we approach the new year and round out the hectic family holiday season, I have decided to offer my own thoughts on “Family First.” based on my more than thirty years as a family therapist and educator as well as on my own experience as a parent and on the wonderful feedback I receive from my readers who have honored me by reading my books on parenting. I want to share with you some key steps which are entirely within your control as a parent and which can dramatically ease the burden of parenting while actually gaining more respect and cooperation from your children. I will be sharing the seven secrets from my book The Seven Secrets of Successful Parents, all seven! Please call in!

To hear the program, simply click on the link above or this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first, Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

Randy Rolfe’s mission is to increase people’s awareness of how small choices they make every day have huge effects on their relationships, health, and happiness. Her passion to help create healthy, happy families began when her travels with her family in over 29 countries before age 20 convinced her that all peoples share common goals for their families and that a better world could be created by helping all families to thrive.

After a successful law career, Randy Rolfe founded the Institute for Creative Solutions to pursue her passion. She wrote her first book “You Can Postpone Anything But Love” in 1985 and soon became a sought after media guest expert. In addition to her law degree, Randy holds a Masters in Theology and Certification in Clinical Nutrition. She is author of eight acclaimed books on family, health, and relationships, most recently “Mothers Losing Mothers,” and “The True Secret to Weight Loss Is Energy.” She and her husband have a son and daughter, now grown.

To hear the program, simply click on the link above or this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first, Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

Randy Rolfe Take Home Tips: Successful parenting starts in the parent's mind. Make parenting easier and more fun as well as more successful by using your thoughts effectively. I call it "prepared parenting!"

Incorrigible to Incredible: Some Dog Lessons

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

Some relationships are more difficult than others. Sometimes a friend or even a child can be difficult to handle. They can try your patience and seem incorrigible. Can we learn some tricks from our four-footed friends? My guest this week on Family First says absolutely! Charmaine Hammond is an international transformational speaker, author, and radio host, helping people live inspired, resilient lives, and she is a leading trainer in corporate North America, helping transform workplaces.

Charmaine Hammond is the award winning and bestselling author of On Toby’s Terms and Toby The Pet Therapy Dog – and his hospital friends, and also Bounce Forward. She has been published in Chicken Soup for the Soul - What I learned from the dog. She is now coauthoring a new book GPS Your Best Life. Her book On Toby’s Terms is currently in development to become a major motion picture! Get your whole family to listen in. Charmaine will be sharing Toby’s lessons!

To hear the program, simply click on the link above or on this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

Charmaine Hammond, MA, BA, is an expert in Conflict Analysis and Management and opened Hammond International Inc. in 1997, a mediation and training company. For the past 8 years she has been speaking and consulting with business and community organizations. Prior to owning her own business Charmaine worked as a Contract Specialist for Government, was the Executive Director of several not for profit organizations, worked with municipal government in their contract management, and served as a Correctional Officer, Child & Youth Care Worker.

Charmaine’s passion for speaking led her to be the host of three radio shows: “Corporate Conversations with Charmaine,”  “PAWsitive Radio,” and “Your Book as a Business.” She has been featured on CBC, CTV, Global TV, 820 CHAM, Alberta Prime Time News, in many major newspapers including Metro News National Canada, US and New York, and in various magazines. She also supports many pet and children related charities and events as a result of her work with Toby.

To hear the program, simply click on the link above or on this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

 

Randy Rolfe Take Home Tips: Our pets have personalities, stresses, and emotions just as we do. By watching our animal friends and paying attention to how to respond to their needs, we can learn to be more responsive to each other's! Having a pet is a great way for children to learn empathy for others when they have your good example to follow. So see that when you interact with your pets, you are modeling compassion and attention to their needs, not just for shelter and food, but also for attention, companionship, appreciation, and respect. 

Child-Rearing: Back to Basics!

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

Parenting seems to be in crisis today. The court case in Mississippi now in the news about an assistant school principal paddling a child who was seriously injured when he fainted afterwards, is bringing into stark focus the question of what kind of discipline today’s children need and from whom. How can parents decide what is the best way for them to raise their children? Especially when as parents they are hard pressed with economic stress, time stress, and widely different advice from all sides?

With my guest this week I am celebrating the first year of Family First! My guest this week is Dr. Robert E. Kay, who appeared on Family First as my first guest, talking about problems with our mode of educating our children. Dr. Kay will speak about getting back to the basics of parenting for his second visit. Dr. Kay is a psychiatrist who has worked with families for decades. He urges parents to return to the basics of child-rearing and he will share some powerful ideas which can help parents to make the best decision for their family and to help prevent problems later. Dr. Kay has wide familiarity with the many theories of child-rearing and believes parents can work with their children instead of against them to gain their cooperation and their respect.  

Click on the link above Friday April 27 at 4pm ET/1pm PT/2pm MT/3pm CT, or any time afterwards from your PC on demand or downloadable to hear this episode of Family First. 

Dr. Robert E. Kay graduated from Tufts University Medical School and received his psychiatric training at Walter Reed General Hospital. Following his military service, he served as Medical Director of The Center for Child Guidance and was a board member of The School in Rose Valley, Pennsylvania. Dr. Kay has decades of experience working with children and their families.  

Dr. Kay has published numerous articles on child rearing, interview techniques for youth, primary and secondary education, the American school system, enhancing children’s propensity for learning, and the teaching of reading. In recent years he has been greatly involved with the homeschooling, unschooling, and home education movements and has presented his ideas on teaching and learning on radio and television as well as in court. Father of three children, he is also author of the Foreword to the book, The Seven Secrets of Successful Parents. 

To hear Dr. Kay's insightful views on ways to make child-rearing easier, more effective, and more fun, listen in live this Friday April 27 at 4pm ET/1pm PT, or any time on archive. Just click on the link above. 

Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tips: In my book The Seven Secrets for Successful Parents, Dr. Kay explains in the Foreword how child-rearing has been distorted over time and how individual families can retrieve the core wisdom of the human family by playing close attention to the signals from the child on how to meet their needs from infancy on.

Stimulating a response from your teen

Here is a great question from a reader from a while back - I just discovered it!:

What if your teen doesn't say anything, even though you give them the first chance to talk or what if they consistently say "I don't know"? When teens "opt out" every time there is a conversation, the parent may have to be the only one talking. Then it turns into lecture again instead of a dialogue.
It's like opening a trap door instead of a window.

So many parents are faced with this problem on a daily basis. It becomes a sad routine which neither parent nor child enjoy, but the parent wants to make the effort. Here is my suggestion. First, just forget about having a conversation for a day or two and simply smile, give eye contact, and say a normal greeting, like, "Hi, how's it going?" or "How're you doing?" or "what's up?" Whatever is most normal to you, but one of those greetings for which people usually don't expect a response. And don't expect one this time either. The greeting is meant only as a greeting, to acknowledge the other person and wish them well. Simply smile and go about your business.

Your child will notice that you have not tried to start a conversation. They may anticipate one later. So keep this up for a day or two. Your child may actually be the first one to break the pattern. They may ask, "What's up?" or "Why no questions?" and so on. Just smile and say something like, "I thought I'd give you some space," or "I know you've got lots going on and me too, so I thought I'd lighten up."

If the teen doesn't make the first move, then on the third day say, share something that is going on for you. Like, you had to go back to the store for something you forgot. Or your coworker said something nice to you today. Or you are planning to buy a new cushion for the dog. Something non-controversial and basically about your experience of life.

You'll probably get an "Oh" response, but if you do this for a day or two, chances are very good the child will start to share that kind of thing herself or himself.

Next, you can start asking open ended questions, not like "How was school today," but rather, "I forgot what I came into the room for just now. Did that ever happen to you?" Or, my friend is having a birthday and I want to get her more than just a card. Any suggestions?"

Ask about common human experiences or ask for everyday kind of advice. By doing this, you are acknowledging the humanness and growing maturity of your child. Exactly what she or he needs to begin to trust that you appreciate them as maturing beings with their own good sense and values. This kind of acknowledgment is irresistible to kids - and to all of us - and will lead to a more open and respectful relationship which will keep on growing.

It sounds like quite a process, but if you review it each day and stick with it, you will be surprised and delighted with the results. The big temptation is that when you start to feel the gates are opening you will just rush right in with attempts at deeper probing etc. Resist! Before you know it, your conversations will make you proud.

Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tip: Kids need full recognition throughout their lives and even from a young age for their worthiness and importance. This doesn't mean constant praise or unrealistic expectations. Instead it means honoring their words by listening free of judgment or agenda, responding to their expressed needs in caring ways, asking their opinion in matters that concern them,  and being clear about your interest in advising and protecting them with regard to finding their way in the world.

What’s With Today’s Weddings?

After all the flowers, caterers, favors, videographers,
expensive gowns and decorations, what does today’s wedding really mean to the
bride and groom or to the guests? Are weddings just a big party? Many young
couples want their weddings outside of conventional settings or just outside.
Can there still be mystery, a spiritual bonding, a sense of the miraculous? My
guest Paul Mayer has officiated at hundreds of weddings and has found a way to bring
back the transformational meaning traditional cultures saw in weddings.

To hear Paul's brilliant approach to today's weddings, tune in this Friday at 4 PM ET, 1 PM PT, to: http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/57020/whats-with-todays-weddings.

Mayer’s wedding ministry came to him after over half a century of leadership in the
cause of peace and justice, from civil rights work with Reverend Martin Luther
King, Jr. to efforts regarding Central America, the Vietnam War, the Soviet
Union, Israeli-Palestinian relations, Japanese Atomic Bomb Survivors, Cuba,
and the Climate Crisis. Father Mayer will share his powerful insights about how
weddings and family can help to create a better world.

Paul Mayer is a non-canonical, formerly married priest. His
experience as a young Jewish refugee from Nazi Germany inspired him to cofound
Children of War to help young survivors of wars. Becoming Catholic and then a
Benedictine monk, his work with Dr. King in the 1965 voting rights campaign set
him on a lifelong path of organizing for global peace, social justice, ecology,
and non-violent social change.

His efforts have included pioneering liberation
theology in Central America, working with Jesse Jackson in the Rainbow Coalition, addressing the 1984 Democratic Convention on nuclear disarmament, coordinating the Catonsville Nine Defense Committee in support of religious non-violent action, and working with other world luminaries of the last 50 years. Most recently he cofounded the Climate Crisis Coalition and has received honors for his non-fiction writing. His new book, Wrestling With Angels: A Spiritual Memoir of A Political Life, is due for publication soon.

To hear Paul's brilliant approach to today's weddings, tune in this Friday at 4 PM ET, 1 PM PT, to: http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/57020/whats-with-todays-weddings.

Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tip: The tone of the parents' relationship sets the tone for the relationships with the children. Take time to reenforce your primary relationship as parents. When we show love and respect and patience with our spouse, our children learn by example how to treat each other and others outside the familly. Celebrate your relationship regularly and let your kids know how important it is to you.