Back to School Tips

Back to School Tips

Before your child starts another year of school, it can help to get in touch with exactly what is the role of school in your family's life? Although home school can be an option, most families do delegate schooling to our government or privately supported school systems. But for each family what role the school plays can be different and can change over time. It can vary from on the one hand setting up the family's whole life around the school activities to on the other hand letting the child deal with school on his own and continuing as usual with family patterns as before.  
 

It is good to know where you stand on this continuum and discuss it with your spouse or partner, if any, in parenting, so that you can avoid misunderstandings and potential conflict later. If one parent wants to oversee all homework projects before play and the other would rather see the child play until it's dark and then do what she or he can on her or his own, the child will be caught in the middle and maybe even figure out how to get her or his own way which may not suit either parent.

As we would expect, most studies of how children function in school suggest that moderation is key. Children must find their own way to adjust to the rigors of school, but they also, as children, need the guidance and support of their parents.

Some intriguing studies have shown that children's report cards improved when the parents took more of a hands off approach, avoiding adding pressure to the pressure already inherent in the school teaching environment. Offer answers and help when asked, but avoid micromanaging their school interactions.

There is plenty to do at home as a parent,. Setting schedules is much easier if it is done before school starts, or at least early in the year. Depending on the child's age and maturity, do what you can to involve the child in setting the schedule. But remember who is in charge and be sure there are enough hours for sleep, breakfast and dinner, and family social time. That pretty much uses up whatever is left after school and homework. But these parts of a child's day are every bit as important as schooling.

It is during these family times that children pick up what is important and valuable to their parents, what lifestyle choices will stand them in good stead for life, and how to interact in a more comfortable informal setting, rather than the largely artificial setting of school, where a hoard of children respond to a few authoritative adults who are non-family and where the day is broken up into managed segments over which the child has no control.

Be sure to take time before and after school to greet the child with caring and a smile. Try to avoid last minute reminders in the morning, or grilling in the afternoon. The child will tend to have more self-confidence if it is clear that the parent-child relationship is still more important than the child-school relationship.

And let go of perfectionist tendencies. Kids will make mistakes, forget their assignment, forget their ball, forget what the teacher said, etc. If you give them space without shame to do better next time, they will learn much more quickly than if they think they have let you down.

Make sure their home diet is up to your standards, as the challenges at school regarding diet can be daunting. Studies show that if quality food, which is relatively free of chemical additives, fabricated food products, and highly refined or artificially flavored foods, is made available to kids, they will tend to eat a healthy diet over the course of a week. So make meals a fun social time, not a stressful time for lectures.  And also be careful about body image issues.

But do have meals. Have the kids help prepare them and they will be better eaters. And be sure to have healthy snacks for after school. The parent's example is always stronger than anyone else's, especially in the early years.

There's a lot to think about, but the pay-off is worth it. So many children today are missing breakfast, not getting a good night's sleep, and then snacking on sugary and/or chemical-laden drinks, candies, and baked goods. It is no wonder attention and behavior problems are on the rise.

Encourage your children to have compassion for those kids, but let them know you are serious about your job to help them avoid these problems.

You can find much more in my books, You Can Postpone Anything But Love, and The Seven Secrets of Successful Parents.

Randy Rolfe Take Home Tips: Just as parents have a whole lot going on in their work day, whether at a job, as an entrepreneur, or as home administrator, so children have a full day at school. Their stresses can be just as frustrating and depleting, or as satisfying and enlivening, as our day has been. So we do well to respect their experiences and listen compassionately when they share them. Remember that your child's emotional life is at least as complex as your own. That way you both will feel better when you are sharing your mornings and evenings and weekends together. http://www.parenthoodtools.com.

What GMO Means to You

What GMO Means to You Food quality is a hot topic in the news today.  Many are concerned  about current efforts by leading chemical companies to alter our  staple food crops in ways that have no precedent in nature or  science. Especially as parents, we are responsible to see that our children  get the best start we know about, and the quality of their food is a  huge factor. We also owe it to ourselves to stay as healthy as we  can. So what if we are eating Genetically Modified Organisms,  GMOs? Let's take the long view for a moment. For more than a million  years, humans have been eating everything in their local  environment that didn't kill them. If a person tried to eat an  animal or vegetable that was poisonous, that person didn't  live to have children. So over the years, humans found what  species were edible and what weren't. Over time, our human ancestors discovered how to cook food  to eat even more variety and to store food more effectively.  Eventually we even learned to replant the seeds of food and  to choose the seeds which gave us the qualities we liked  most. And we could do the same with animals once we  learned to corral them. A few centuries ago, we became far more scientific about  "breeding" our crops and animals, to produce food quicker,  cheaper, more efficiently, and with more of the  characteristics we wanted at any given time. Once we learned about genetics in the mid-twentieth century,  scientists began to imagine that they could actually tinker  with the genetic code to hone in on the characteristics we  wanted. But then the question becomes, the characteristics who  wanted? Is it the scientists who hire the geneticists to  experiment, is it the chemical companies who want the  crops and animals to use more of their chemicals, or is  it we the eaters? In the book Altered Genes, Twisted Truth, the author Steven  Druker reveals how our image of scientists going in with  tweezers and carefully manipulating the genes to improve  the crop is completely misleading, and unfortunately  deliberately so. At least four or five manipulations, almost unfathomable to  the non-geneticist, are applied to the genes at issue, and  even then there is no assurance until scrupulous testing  that the wanted results are achieved. For example, in many  cases, whether a cell has accepted the new gene is  detectable because a light sensitive gene from a jellyfish  has also been injected. We know that the genetic code of any creature, plant or  animal, is extremely interdependent, and one gene often  affects many activities in a cell. Likewise, groups of genes  often operate together to create other kinds of crucial  cell activities. So if we alter one gene because it will now  change a particular chemical in the plant,  we have no  way of knowing if this change will also affect how some  other important cell chemical is designed. We also now know that genes are activated and  deactivated by other processes in a cell that are  responding to numerous factors in and outside the  cell, including the stress level of the plant or animal.  This is the core of the science of "epigenetics." These complications may explain how many experiments  which we rarely hear about in the media, but are  considered well designed and reported by respected  scientists, have shown that when GMO foods are fed  to animals, unwanted health conditions develop at a  disturbing rate compared to animals fed the equivalent  non-GMO foods. Most developed countries have minimized the growing,  importing, and selling of GMO foods within their borders.  The chemical companies which encourage GMOs say  that if they are forced to label GMOs in the USA, the  same thing will happen here because the public doesn't  realize that these foods are "safe." But do we want to feed them to our children? Do we  want to experimental lab animals? The vast majority of all corn and soy sold in the USA  is genetically altered today. And there is no way to know  whether these crops may be responsible for the increases  in various chronic conditions like obesity, immunological  insufficiency, autoimmune disease, cancer, metabolic  syndrome, irritable bowel syndrome, and other  inflammatory diseases. All are on the rise, and it is  logical to look at recent changes in our food supply  which coincide with this rising trend. Don't believe the story that these alterations are necessary  to feed the hungry world. Most of the GMO crops go to feed  large animals which feed only the wealthy populations in  developed countries.  In addition, the GMO crops increase  yield only for the first few years, but unfortunately by then,  the farmer has become dependent on the special seeds  and pesticides the chemical company has sold her or  him, and has no GMO-free seed to start a new crop. I am not one to volunteer my child for a dietary experiment  that comes from a chem lab. I advise sticking with the  foods you grandmother would recognize or that your  great uncle could produce on his farm. The federal government just passed legislation which  was promoted by the chemical companies to prevent  individual states from responding to their citizens by  insisting on the labeling of GMOs. The law is touted as  having required that they be labeled, but it doesn't go  into effect for a couple of years, it has loopholes because  only certain foods or ingredients must be labeled, and the  label is only a QR code. So if you really want to know,  you must hold your mobile phone up to the label to  check the QR code! I will continue to buy only foods that say non-GMO  certified, and "organic," because so far the organic  label is not supposed to have any GMOs, although  there are a few exceptions already. Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tips: Avoid becoming dogmatic  about your food, because the burden of extra stress can be as harmful as an occasional over-processed or chemicalized food. Only if you have developed a reaction to a  certain kind of additive or GMO-related item do you need to be absolute about it, and even then you can build  your digestion and immunity back up in most cases so that an occasional exposure won't hurt. Beware of wheat, which is not usually GNO but which is sprayed with Round-Up just before harvest because it makes  harvesting easier. That herbicide is causing many issues with people's intestines and gut bacteria. So buy organic  wheat products whenever possible. In the family and among friends, avoid giving lectures, judgments,  or admonitions at meal time. Keep that time calm and happy to  promote good digestion and good relationships. Instead, at a  later time, share what you know as a caring aside, such as, "You  know I just saw an interesting article today about ... Do you know about that?"

When Your Child Hurts -

When Your Child Hurts

There is so much pressure on our children today to perform well in sports that many children and their parents overlook the importance of responding appropriately to pain. Often children are so eager to not let down the team or to please a coach that they don't even tell their parents when they are hurting. In addition, our sports culture encourages athletes to grin and bear it, to be tough, to play through the pain, and so on.

And parents often reinforce this culture. But many kids who focus on one sport too early end up distorting their structural development by ignoring signs that they are overdoing it. And even those who cross train or do several sports may have such a busy schedule that they don't stop to tend to a sore muscle or pulled tendon.

Often youngsters and young adults undergo surgery unnecessarily because their bodies would heal well on their own with some time and attention.

Our bodies have an amazing mechanism for alerting us that it is time to rest and heal. It is called "pain." Pain is what we notice when a part of our bodies is under stress, injured, or in need of time to repair. Even internal organs which we normally are not aware of, like stomach, kidneys, or sciatic nerve, can send pain messages to our brain to tell us something is wrong. It is a sad state of affairs now that doctors often treat pain without taking the time to find out exactly why the patient is hurting or without taking the trouble to explain to the patient how to support the body's own awesome healing powers with lots of rest, good nutrition, healthy water, fresh air, and positive thoughts.

But we parents can make the effort to discover what our children are experiencing. Sure we might hope our child will go to college on an athletic scholarship, but is it worth it to start her or him too early and wind up with serious challenges in a decade or two with sore shoulders, back injuries, concussion symptoms, or hormonal problems? Do take the time to research when it is really safe for a growing child to take up a demanding sport. And if your child is eager to get going, choose a program which is not too demanding and find a team and coach who puts the health and well-being of the children above competition and machismo.

Bookworms and nerds can experience pain too. Many children now are experiencing problems with their thumbs from texting, or other repetitive stresses in hands, arms, shoulders or back from video games or poor ergonomics at their study and play space. Listen for complaints and try to make changes or suggest a different position, more space, or more breaks. Make sure pure water is available at all times and see that meals with good quality protein, vegetables, and quality fats are regular. Minimize the high carb low nutrition snacks. For younger children whose environment you still control, you can just not have these temptations in the house.

Children who are feeling bad because of a cold or flu are often in pain too, but we are eager to get them back to school or daycare and use medications to suppress overt symptoms. Yet it has been known for a long time that rest and clear liquids are the answer for such infections, and that the use of pain medications and other drugs to suppress symptoms actually prolongs the infection and leaves the patient more likely to get sick again. By the way, the old adage "Feed a cold, starve a fever," has been severely misused. It is not two separate pieces of advice. It is instead a warning: "If you feed a cold, you will have to starve a fever." When your child has an infection, let her or him rest and eat lightly, so that she or he doesn't have to eat a lot to keep going. Instead, by resting and letting digestion rest, the body's enzymes can go to work with the immune system to rub out the infection which is causing the problem and the pain.

No matter what the source of a child's pain, make sure they get enough rest. It is in the deep sleep that most of healing happens, along with most immunological repair and muscle regrowth, as well as developmental growth. Many parents find that their children are staying up late texting or playing video games. If a young child gets sort of addicted to these things, make sure screens are removed from the bedroom. With older children, have them research online what poor sleep can do to affect their grades, their moods, and their health.


Parents should acknowledge and respond appropriately to their own experiences of pain too. If nothing else, you will be setting a good example. But also to be the best parent you can be, you too must be comfortable, rested, nourished, and not in pain.

You would think with all the prescription drug adds in the media today that pain is just a daily thing we all must suppress or ignore. Especially with job security on the wane and wage income low, adults are eager not to miss workdays. But this is at our peril. If we listen to our bodies and pay attention when our brains tell us something is wrong, we can address the problem and in the vast majority of cases return to a pain-free and happy condition and be more productive and high in morale as well.

We are meant to enjoy life and we are given the tools to recognize when something needs to change to bring back the joy. If you or your child is in pain, do your research to find out what is causing it and what you can do to help your body correct the source. Don't over-medicate or try to ignore the problem. I often say that if you ignore or cover up pain, your body will eventually force you to go flat on your back by increasing the pain or bringing on some other problem. Better to stop and think at the first sign of imbalance in your health than to go on ignoring your body's wise advice.    

 

Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tips: Never ignore a child's complaint. Even if you know it is just boredom or angst, repeat back what you hear with compassion and understanding. That way you will build rapport and open the door to hearing more about what is really on your child's mind. Pain does not just go away unless true healing is taking place. As parents, we must help our children find the solutions they need and deserve.  

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I hope you enjoyed these three important articles!
Randy Rolfe Take Home Tips: Be candid with your kids about how you feel about drinking. But do so only after you have really thought it through yourself, including your own behavior as a teen and now, and including a chat with their other parent, to see if you can get on the same page together. Children listen to their parents whether they want to or are conscious of it or not.  You want the voice of reason and caution and moderation to resonate in their heads when temptation appears. As for their health, let them know that our bodies are made to last a lifetime as long as we take care of them, and that the constant barrage of messages to convince them they need this or that medication is just a profit grab. Let them know that their health is their responsibility, not their doctor's. The vast majority of ailments people suffer today are caused by lifestyle factors over which the individual has a great deal of control. You set the pace by your example of how self-care is done. Finally, be sure your children know that one of the things you are most thankful for is them! Have a great holiday season!

What's with Our Schools?

When I was looking for an image of school for this article, I found only smiling faces of students fully engaged in the classroom or having fun on the playground, or smiling as they read their books.

  

These images of school can be misleading. The news is filled with stories of failing school systems, cities that can't afford their schools anymore, new programs that tend to marginalize even faster the lower tier of kids, declining competency at high school and college levels, violence and dropouts across the country, and increasing prevalence of depression, attention issues, and drug use among our school youth. Our kids are not all smiles in our schools.

  

Some experts are taking a longer view of schooling than we usually hear about. For example, John Taylor Gatto, who won accolades for his work in the New York State School System, has written extensively on how schools actually fail to educate our students. We have a serious disconnect between, on the one hand, our popular conception that a good education opens doors, builds leaders, and fosters creative and critical thinking and, on the other hand, a system of education which was developed over a hundred and fifty years ago to create obedient soldiers and was further refined a hundred years ago to create obedient employees to fuel the industrial revolution.

  

Today kids who have access to global information on their smart phones are less and less likely to take to the regimentation of conventional schooling unless they personally feel the specific training a particular class affords is something they really want. When books were hand-copied back when the first schools emerged a few thousand years ago, a few lucky kids were sent to academy to get the specialized knowledge of the professions. But the vast majority of children learned all they needed to know from their PARENTS. And even then not from instruction by parents so much as from being around them, helping them at whatever their own skill level was at the time, watching them closely, and being inspired by their maturity and skills.

  

Now many parents I talk with seem eager to send their children off to school and have delegated all that traditional educational responsibility to institutions that were ill-equipped from the beginning to fill the bill. Meanwhile the economy has forced middle class parents and even upper class parents to think they must both work in order to give their children the advantages they need to succeed in life. They assume that they must give up their children to these institutions.

  

We have no idea what the emotional costs are to this new pattern of family life. Many of the specialists studying these consequences have themselves delegated their parenting to these institutions, so they will have a bias against deciding that they and their children are suffering as a result. Today young mothers don't even know what they may be missing by going back to work so soon, because their own mothers did it too. 

  

Such commentators as Ivan Illich and Henry Giroux and many others such as leading advocates of home schooling, John Holt and Robert E. Kay, have addressed these issues in great depth and deserve serious investigation. Giroux recently labeled schools "dead zones of the imagination."

  

 Meanwhile, since most families will be sending their children to school, what are parents to do?

  

First, be clear where school ends and parenting begins. Avoid becoming the school enforcer at home. Be the parent and demonstrate life and living to your children by being with them and having them with you as much as possible. Ethics, courtesy, self-restraint, emotional processing, meaningful friendship, optimism, graciousness, kindness, healthy daily habits, strength of character and more are still best learned at home.

  

Second, be clear with your children that school is their responsibility. Don't intervene or check on grades unless asked by your child. Let them know that it is your decision to have them go to school and tell them why, in age-appropriate ways. It is better that they know that it is your decision than that they believe the state can force you, their parent who is in charge of their well-being, to do something against your will. If you want your child to believe she or he has control over their destiny, then you need to let them know you believe you have control over yours. 

  

Third, don't quiz or test your child. There is already way too much of this in school. A few fascinating experiments with children have demonstrated that they learn more and retain more when not rated, compared, embarrassed, or put on the spot to prove they are absorbing information. Watch closely to check their growing competence without making them feel always on the block.

  

Fourth, honor your child's reactions to school events, academic and otherwise. Listen and suggest. Don't jump in with solutions unless sincerely asked for your advice. Children will come up with their own solutions if they have a caring, engaged, respected, and trusted listener who can affirm their ability to handle their own problems.  

  

Fifth, protect your child's home environment and lifestyle. Make sure they get good food, good sleep, good relaxation, private space, time to play, good self-care routines, and caring supervision of their external connections - that is, social media and time with friends. These physical factors make a huge difference in whether they can weather the challenges of this rather strange institution we have invented called school.

 

Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tips: Don't be a substitute teacher at home. Remain the parent. Support your child in her or his activities away from home, including school, but only set safe parameters. Don't try to control or direct. Your job is to be the parent, to love, protect, set an example, guide, not to be homework cop or otherwise enforcer of school directives. When children realize school is their responsibility, studies show they are much more willing to perform what needs to be done to make it in school.

  

The Cost of Parenting?

There has been a lot of discussion lately about the cost of being a parent. Reports claim that it costs $200,000 to $300,000 to get a child to age 18. That sounds pretty scary. How many of us have that much extra sitting around? But year by year, that's between $11,000 and $16,000 per year. Consider that just about everyone of us needs that much to live decently. So that's nothing new. You are adding a new person to your family!

  

But they say that this recession has slowed down the birth rate because  people are thinking twice about the added costs. A new book on the advantages of parenting an only child or being one is timely for those who might feel bad not having a second child. I agree with the author that having a playmate for your first is not enough of a reason to have a second. But if you as a parent or couple really want another child, I say don't let these numbers scare you.

  

It is high time we pull back from the idea that every child needs two or three after school programs to round out their resume. Many middle school kids are now suffering burnout already. One sport and one art is plenty and they don't have to be the same year. Today's children need to discover ways to relax, amuse themselves, and interact with others, and not always on the most expensive new digital gadget.

  

And I advocate against skimping on good nutrition and safe environments, but having the latest games and toys and a new smart phone every two years or the latest fashions just isn't necessary.

  

On the other hand, if a person feels that children will cramp their style, either by slowing down their career, increasing their stress, or depriving them of time out at cultural activities or with their buddies, then I would advise that they are not really ready for kids.

  

The happiest parents I have known were expecting the unexpected and were prepared for whatever changes they would need to make to enjoy their kids and be the kind of parents they wanted to be. It's only about 20 years. You Can Postpone Anything But Love. That is the title of my first book (now in its third edition) and it is an important truth in parenting and in life.

  

Parents need to do the research and some calculations. What are your options to take a break from your career path to get a child off to a good start? How does the actual cost of daycare and commuting and headache and sleep remedies compare with the actual money after taxes that you will bring in from your work? And what about home cooked meals and playing in the park compared to expensive, fattening, non-nutritious fast food on the run to yet another expensive lesson?

  

Every family is different and every family must make compromises balancing time, energy, and finances. Let your children know that you are in charge and that you have worked hard on these decisions. They will respect you for it and learn that what her or his classmate does is irrelevant to what you and your family choose to do.

  

Hard times make these decisions harder but kids deserve parents who aren't all stressed out. Take the time to know what you want most and let lesser priorities go. Too often today kids are pressuring their parents to substitute gifts and amusements for simple quality family time. Neither kids nor parents know what they are missing. Keep life as simple as possible and you will all benefit.     

 

Randy Rolfe Taking Home Tips: Families today need frequent reminding that what kids need most is the loving attention and guidance of their parents. Because of the constant borage of commercial advertising that just one more purchase will make life easier and kids happier, we get sucked in to thinking consumerism is the solution for family challenges. But it never is. Listening, chatting without judgment, just being, walking, laughing, caring questions, and hugs, are the tools of effective parenting. Yes there is another mouth to feed and some resources to have on hand for stimulation and education, but parenting doesn't have to be a big ticket item in your budget. Just love 'em!

Lessons of Unschooling

I recently gave a talk at a wonderful and stimulating event in the White Mountains of New Hampshire called Life Rocks, which was a week-long gathering of families who are on the cutting edge of freedom in parenting and education. Founded by Dayna Martin with her husband and kids, the event brings together hundreds of families to share and explore their experiences, wisdom, and vision for a family-centered child-rearing experience, to encourage their children to become creative, capable, confident, and happy adults.

  

Author of Radical Unschooling, Dayna also directs the Rethinking Everything conference in Texas in August. She was my guest on my radio show "Family First," and I encourage you to listen to the show at

http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/65485/radical-unschooling.

  

Not all families will want to educate their children at home, though more and more are choosing to do so. Those who have done it have learned much that can be of value to those who have chosen to take advantage of our many kinds of school systems. The contrast between letting kids learn what they need through living rather than formal schooling and sending kids to school for twelve to twenty years is often dramatic. Most notably, the children do not come to assume that someone else is in charge of their schedule, their learning, their work contribution, and their income. They take responsibility early for their own future.

  

In my book The Seven Secrets of Successful Parents, I included an Appendix describing why my husband and I decided to educate our son and daughter at home. In brief, it was primarily to give them more freedom to explore what they were most interested in at any given time and to give us all more family time so that they could learn more from us, their parents, as well as to have more fun enjoying each other as a family. You will find much more detail in the book, but my point is that all parents can focus on these things without going all the way to home education.

  

What we find in family-focused child-rearing is that children are naturally curious, naturally want to learn, and don't need to be prodded, "taught" responsibility, caring, or contribution. They want to help, want to do important things, want to imitate the adults they respect.

  

Making time together is the most important thing you can do for your children. Choose things you like to do and share these with your child. Then pick things they like to do and facilitate their activities and your own participation. Create an example of inquisitiveness in your own life. Create lots of opportunities for seeing, hearing, exploring, traveling, reading, playing, dancing, drawing, singing, building. If your child is in school, it's harder to find these times, but maximize the opportunities during vacations and on weekends. Don't let school and sports and extracurricular activities prevent your time together.

 

Child-led learning is the natural pattern among traditional peoples and it works just as well for us now. The best teachers in our school systems try to tap in to what turns a child on and show them their own competence around that subject to bolster their performance in other areas. Who is in a better position than a parent to know their child's passions, needs and wants? And who else can figure out better what each child needs for guidance, healthy limits, and healthy freedoms at different ages and stages? Too often today parents are asked to abdicate this all important role. Hold on to it and your children will thrive. You will be happier too!

  

Randy Rolfe Take Home Tips: You Can Postpone Anything But Love.TM Making time to be with your children is the best thing you can do as a parent. Children learn by example and you are it! See that your lifestyle and relationship habits model what you want from your child, and be there to help them interpret what they see and hear from the all-pervasive media. Make time to do fun things together and to listen to their stories. Take time to find out what they would like to do to have fun. Go hiking, watch a game, play a video game with you, go to a fancy restaurant, visit a dairy or a TV studio? Whatever it is, make it happen together.

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Family First | VoiceAmerica™

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

As spring approaches, get the kids outside! I was amazed that few children got out in the snow to sled and make smowmen after the few snows we had this year in the northeast. As parents it is our responsibility to direct our children to healthy environments and healthy activities. Get them away from the digital screens for some time each day outside.

 To learn more about the real importance of the outdoors, listen in to the Family First program on avoiding the "nature deficit disorder." My guest Ellen Haas has been teaching kids about enjoying nature responsibly and deeply for decades and is author of several books on the subject.

Just click on this link and listen in, or download the show to your mobile dievice.  http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/54356/do-our-children-have-nature-deficit-disorder.

Our indoor air is far more polluted than outdoor air in most neighborhoods. So just for the sake of breathing, it's good to get outdoors! Also there is space to move, to run, skip, roll around on the ground. Encourage free-wheeling play. And go outside yourself to set the tone. Kids are programmed to want to do what adults do, so show them how to enjoy the outdoors. Make it a family time and they will go for it and look forward to it. Take time to watch the birds and planes, to study the cloud formations, to notice the trees starting to bud with leaves. Pick up sticks around the yard, kick a ball around. Let your child make up games and play along. Laugh out loud. And they love hellping in the garden.

The rebalancing of mental moods and the physical play which happens outside helps everyone, but especially kids who seem to have attention problems. Listen in to my interview about the benefits of nature at

http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/54356/do-our-children-have-nature-deficit-disorder. 

 

Randy Rolfe Take Home Tips: We are all meant to connect with nature. As sophisticated as our civilization is, we are still born of this earth and require the vital energies of good air, pure water, restful energizing sleep, safe environment, quality nutrition, sunlight, and the blues and greens of the outdoors. If you want your kids to appreciate nature, you must do it with them. Kids are programmed to do what the adults around them do. So set an example by getting outside yourself and inviting them to be with you.

Family Resilience for 2013!

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

 Be sure to take adcantage of the over 88 great interviews with top experts and emerging expert voices on all issues related to family on "Family First" online net radio, available 24/7 on your PC or mobile, at the Voice America net talk radio netowrk, the leader in online interview shows. Simply go to http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first

and choose your show. The great interview with James Lee is all about optimism and resilience in the family and the society. A great resource for the end of our first month of 2013!

  For my interview with James, this link will take you directly there: http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/62561/the-resilient-family.

 

Randy Rolfe Take home Tip - Home for a child is wherever a parent is. Resilience is passed on to our children when we show confidence that whatever happens we will be okay and that we will be able to care for our child no matter what. Children are born with an innate trust that their parent will guard, keep, and teach them. But the child can lose faith if we lose faith in ourselves. If you have concerns, it's okay to share them in an age appropriate manner, but always assure the child that you know all will turn out right. Kids may not believe you all the time, but deep down they will trust you because you ARE the parent. We often forget how important the parent is in this complex multi-dimensional lifestyle we live. But for the child, the parent is ALL.She or he sends all the most important cues.

Talking to Teens

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

Many parents feel anxious as their children approach the teenage years. Parents worry about peer pressure, losing their influence, being able to communicate effectively with their teens, wondering if they have prepared them well enough for life, asking themselves about whether they pushed too hard or not enough in academics, worrying about how much help they should give or will be allowed to give their teen as they approach young adulthood, fearing the worst when it comes to bad influences. My guest this week on Family First is Kyra Batte, a life coach to teens. She helps parents and their teens get through these uncertain years with the least hassle and the most self-assurance and resilience as possible. She will show how many of the fears felt by teens and by their parents can be overcome by healthy communication, attention to life balance, and care with self-talk. Kyra’s insights can make family life a whole lot better. Listen in and invite your teen to join us.

To hear the program, simply click on tthe link above or his link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first, Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

Kyra Batte is a teen life coach in Los Angeles County. She has been a public speaker and educator for statewide and national programs toward improving the quality of life and mental health for children, teenagers, and young adults. Amongst her public speaking experiences, she recently hosted a show that garnered four million viewers worldwide, promoting self-confidence, removing critical thoughts, dealing with uncertainty and fear of failure, gaining resilience, and finding balance in life. Kyra has been able to speak to hundreds of parents and children and to educate more than one hundred school counselors, teachers, and superintendents. She has also been a published author of articles guiding parents with troubled youth in newspapers and other publications, and she has developed an outreach program for teens dedicated to getting their life on track. A graduate of the University of Arizona, she also has a background in film, theater, and dance, and was chosen Miss LA County for 2012.

To hear the program, simply click on the link above or on this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first, Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

Randy Rolfe Take Home Tips: Good relations with your teens depends on the trust you can build as they approach those years. but it is never too late to build trust. It takes patience and faith and good communication tools, including powerful listening!

Parenting Resolutions for 2013!

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

Parenting is perhaps the most important activity in all of human existence. And it can be incredibly difficult, worrisome, and exhausting, as well as exhilarating, fulfilling, and joyful. Are there simple steps which can make it easier on a day to day basis without jeopardizing long term success?

As we approach the new year and round out the hectic family holiday season, I have decided to offer my own thoughts on “Family First.” based on my more than thirty years as a family therapist and educator as well as on my own experience as a parent and on the wonderful feedback I receive from my readers who have honored me by reading my books on parenting. I want to share with you some key steps which are entirely within your control as a parent and which can dramatically ease the burden of parenting while actually gaining more respect and cooperation from your children. I will be sharing the seven secrets from my book The Seven Secrets of Successful Parents, all seven! Please call in!

To hear the program, simply click on the link above or this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first, Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

Randy Rolfe’s mission is to increase people’s awareness of how small choices they make every day have huge effects on their relationships, health, and happiness. Her passion to help create healthy, happy families began when her travels with her family in over 29 countries before age 20 convinced her that all peoples share common goals for their families and that a better world could be created by helping all families to thrive.

After a successful law career, Randy Rolfe founded the Institute for Creative Solutions to pursue her passion. She wrote her first book “You Can Postpone Anything But Love” in 1985 and soon became a sought after media guest expert. In addition to her law degree, Randy holds a Masters in Theology and Certification in Clinical Nutrition. She is author of eight acclaimed books on family, health, and relationships, most recently “Mothers Losing Mothers,” and “The True Secret to Weight Loss Is Energy.” She and her husband have a son and daughter, now grown.

To hear the program, simply click on the link above or this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first, Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

Randy Rolfe Take Home Tips: Successful parenting starts in the parent's mind. Make parenting easier and more fun as well as more successful by using your thoughts effectively. I call it "prepared parenting!"

Ending the Special Ed Stigma

Family First | VoiceAmerica™


How can a parent or teacher communicate to a child who has been identified as having learning differences or needing special education that they are still okay and have a great future ahead of them? What can they do about bullying or other behaviors of peers which make the child feel bad? Actually every child has her or his own learning needs and in an effort to address these needs, various programs have generated a lot of misunderstanding. My guest on Family First this week is an experienced teacher who has dedicated herself to removing the stigma attached to special education. Laura Reiff has created a book which parents can read with their special education child to help both of them deal with the many challenges ahead. Reiff’s book is “The Adventures of Naomi Noodles, The Wonderful, Amazing, Splendiforous Me.” The first of a series, it helps children and their caregivers overcome any stigma about learning differences and helps both end frustration, misunderstanding, and hurt.

To hear the program, simply click on the link above or this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

Laura Reiff is a special education teacher from Chicago, IL and has been teaching children in special education for over 10 years. Her expertise inspired her to write children’s books, with a passionate mission to lift the negative stigma of special education by planting the seeds of understanding and compassion through self-esteem. Her first book about Naomi Noodles is an inspirational story about a young girl coping with dyslexia. Naomi faces the confusion of being told she is dyslexic and finds out how dyslexia can affect one’s life inside and outside of the learning environment. With a little help from a very special friend, Naomi learns how to triumph over the problems and discovers just how wonderful she truly is. Laura Reiff is also the creator of www.about-special-education.com, a website dedicated to supporting the needs of parents of children with learning disabilities. Laura offers valuable resources on her blog and also offers a coaching program for parents.

To hear the program, simply click on the link above or this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

Randy Rolfe Take Home Tips: Parents are always the best advocates for their children because they know them best. The aware parent can detect problems before anyone else and inform themselves and make intelligent choices about what is best for the child. Never give up getting the educational set-up which matches best your child's needs, ranging widely, from regular classroom, to special school, to homeschooling. Secrets Number 1 and 2 in my book The Seven Secretsof Successful Parents are "I would never give up on my child" and "I pay attention first to my child's basic needs." There are great examples and strategies in the book, now available in Kindle and Nook as well as softcover.

Drug-Free Help for ADHD

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

Drug-Free Help for ADHD

More and more kids are being identified as having attention deficits. Often it is assumed that ADHD is a biological imbalance which requires medication to control. But drugs don’t solve the core problem. And the kids end up with habits and labels that may have unwanted consequences for their future. My guest this week on Family First is psychologist Dr. Craig B. Wiener, who specializes in the treatment of children, adolescents, and families. He has become well-known for questioning the growing tendency to make behavioral problems into medical disabilities. His groundbreaking work with ADHD shows that the behaviors included in the ADHD diagnosis can become frequent due to reinforcement, and in his new book, “Parenting Your Child with ADHD: A No-Nonsense Guide for Nurturing Self-reliance and Cooperation,” he gives parents a powerful new drug-free way to eliminate ADHD behavior by stopping those reinforcements and instead developing their child’s self-reliance and cooperation.

To hear the program, simply click on the link above or on this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

Dr. Craig B. Wiener is a licensed psychologist based in Worcester, Massachusetts. He obtained his Doctorate from the Clark University and has taught in the Psychology Graduate Department at Clark University and in the Undergraduate Psychology Departments at Worcester State University and Anna Maria College. He is now Assistant Professor in the Department of Family Medicine and Community Health at the University of Massachusetts Medical School and Clinical Director of Mental Health Services at Family Health Center of Worcester, where he supervises Clinicians, Post-doctoral Fellows, and Pre-doctoral Psychology and Social Work Interns. He is the author of two books on ADHD for professionals: “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder as a Learned Behavioral Pattern: A Return to Psychology” and “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder as a Learned Behavioral Pattern: A Less Medicinal More Self-reliant Collaborative Intervention.” He is a frequent presenter on ADHD at national conferences

To hear the program, simply click on the link above or on this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

 

Randy Rolfe Take Home Tips: No matter what label or diagnosis an educational or medical expert puts on a child, the caring parent knows the child best and needs to explore environmental, nutritional, and habitual patterns to see if there are ways to imrpove the situation by working with the child rather than by manipulating her or his chemistry. "I never lose faith in my child" is the first of The Seven Secrets of Successful Parents, my book available as ebook or soft cover everywhere.

Dealing with Parental Anger

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

When parents are angry and frustrated, and feel they can’t take any more from their kids, they usually either blow their stack and then regret it later, or try to control themselves by holding it all in. There's another option, to learn healthy, constructive ways to release all that anger and get it out of your body, safely, quickly, and efficiently. My guest this week on Family First is award-winning author and therapist Jude Bijou who says that parents should take a page from their kids' playbook.

Psychotherapist Jude Bijou has found that most kids know instinctively the healthy ways to release anger, sadness, and fear and then feel instant relief. She shows parents how to do this in an appropriate way that won't traumatize their kids' fragile psyches. Her groundbreaking discoveries appear in her book Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life and she will be sharing on Family First the simple principles which have helped countless clients and students.

To hear the program, simply click on this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

 Jude Bijou, MA, MFT, is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her theory of Attitude Reconstruction® evolved over during her more than 30 years working with clients as a licensed marriage and family therapist. Her theory is described in her award-winning book, Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life. The daughter of pioneering behavioral child psychologist Sydney W. Bijou, Jude launched her private psychotherapy practice in 1982 and also began teaching communication courses through Santa Barbara City College Adult Education. Word spread about the success of Attitude Reconstruction, and Jude soon became a sought-after workshop and seminar leader. Jude is also a longtime student of Eastern philosophy, having immersed herself in the world of meditation and Vedic philosophy when she found something missing in the Western psychology approach. The result is an integrated, holistic approach to viewing ourselves and our relationships.

To hear the program, simply click on this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

Randy Rolfe Take Home Tips: Always know that you are the parent and your child wants to please you, even though all the feedback you are getting seems to indicate otherwise. With this in mind, you can always take the time you need to get your feelings and thoughts straightened out. You will actually be setting a good example for your child, of patience, and of thinking and getting in touch with feelings, before "acting out" and then regretting it.

Radical Unschooling?

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

We hear a lot about how our educational systems are flawed and are both failing our kids and stressing our economy at the local, state, and federal levels. It may be that we have demanded far too much of our schools. They were designed to teach kids the basic skills they need to function in the modern world. But now as a society we have come to expect them to sit for our children before and after academic hours and to be primarily responsible for teaching basic health, sportsmanship, moral values, compassion for others, and more.

But it’s not working. These functions have been the responsibility of parents throughout history until only a few decades ago. Some parents are taking back that responsibility and my guest this week on “Family First” is a leader in this “unschooling” movement. Dayna Martin is Founder, Creator, and Conference Diva of Life Rocks! an annual conference in New Hampshire where families come together to learn, have fun, and share their experiences.

To hear the program, simply click on the link above or on this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

Dayna is a pioneer who has been inspiring others in the conscious parenting and unschooling movement for the past decade. Author of "Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun", and her newest book, "Sexy Birth." She has been featured on The Dr. Phil Show, CNN, Nightline, and Fox News. Dayna is a childbirth educator, Doula and attachment parenting advocate who helps families worldwide as, "The UnNanny."

Dayna is a regular contributor to Home Education Magazine. She also recently took over the “Rethinking Everything” Conference in Dallas, Texas. Dayna promotes shifting from control to connection with children and inspires parents to respect their children through partnership parenting. Dayna lives in the White Mountains of New Hampshire, U.S.A., and has four truly free children and husband who she spends her days with in love, freedom and peace. Dayna will share about her belief that Radical Unschooling and attachment parenting can make a more peaceful world.

To hear the program, simply click on  the link above or on this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

 

Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tips: There is a reason kids have parents. Societies have experimented from time to time with doing away with parenting by raising kids in groups with groups of adults watching over them. These experments all fail. All mammals have a period of time where they are dependant on and are taught by their parents to survive and thrive. Our pattern of child-rearing is far older than our species because it works. We have complex social relationships and provisioning skills (now usually devolved to jobs and shopping) which must be learned. The parent-child relationship is meant to work but it only works if you work it. Be proud of your role as a parent and don't try to trim down the time or effort you spend on it or to delegate too much of it to others.Your kids were born to expect good parenting and they depend on you!

 

How to help a child struggling in school

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

When a child struggles to learn, it can snowball into a much bigger problem. Parents worry about behavior in school, social skills, math, reading, and writing problems, organizational challenges, how to interact with teachers, whether to consider medications, and more. Especially in a competitive job market, parents feel pressure even in the early childhood years to see that their children succeed at school. My guest Dr. Richard Selznick has many years experience helping families to resolve these problems. He is the author of the new book School Struggles: A Guide to Your Shut-Down Learner's Success, which builds on the well received information in his previous book The Shut-Down Learner: Helping Your Academically Discouraged Child. He offers practical, straightforward advice which has helped educators, school psychologists, and parents. Dr. Selznick shows parents and teachers how to address the problems felt by struggling students and how to help them learn to their full ability.

To hear the program, simply click on this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

Dr. Richard Selznick is a psychologist, nationally certified school psychologist, graduate school professor, and university professor of pediatrics. As the Director of the Cooper Learning Center, he oversees a program that assesses and treats a broad range of learning and school-based behavioral problems in children. The Cooper Learning Center is a Division of the Department of Pediatrics of Cooper University Hospital. A down-to-earth presenter who discusses difficult topics in non-jargon terms, he has presented to educators in Dubai and Abu Dhabi as well as across the United States. He focuses on helping teachers and parents to choose the best options for each individual child. .Dr. Selznick’s books have been chosen by school districts for professional training. He was recently the keynote speaker on help for special needs kids and was featured in Calgary Child's Magazine. A native of New York, Dr. Selznick lives in Haddonfield, New Jersey. His website is www.shutdownlearner.com.

To hear the program, simply click on this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

 

Randy Rolfe Take Home Tips: Parents are the most able to discover early if their child is struggling with learning. If you suspect that your child isn't catching on to recognizing letters or short common words or knowing the sounds associated with letters, don't assume she or he will have a problem all through school but also don't assume these early signs will go away by themselves. Spending time with your child, reading together, singing together, and playing with words and rhymes will help build their confidence and success.   

Build a child's confidence through sense of place!

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

In our fast-changing society today, many kids feel a bit adrift and their self-confidence can suffer. One of the most powerful ways to help them find their way is to help them reconnect with their cultural and family heritage and sense of place.

My guest this week is Michelle Dirks, who does exactly that. Michelle Dirks is an internationally acclaimed educator and artist has captured her secrets of teaching success in her Treasure House Press curriculums. For over fifteen years, she has taught children, ages 3-17, creative art programs from painting to print-making, primitive weaving to learning from the masters, calligraphy to urban-street art, recycled material murals  to martial arts, each creative opportunity rich and engaging for students. The result is children re-discovering their passion for learning. In a multi-disciplinary approach to art education, Michelle Dirks provides a vast knowledge base while enhancing self esteem and cooperative communication between her students.

Listen in Friday at 1 PM PT/2 PM MT/3 PM CT/4 PM ET, or any time afterwards on demand or podcast. Simply click on the link above or go to http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first and click on this episode to the right of the program home page. 

Michelle Dirks is a native of Ireland and graduate of Limerick College of Art and Design. She has been instrumental in founding Irish National Arts Programs, with grants from The Art Council of Ireland. Dirks shares her enthusiasm for life-long learning with her students to nurture their creativity and sense of heritage. She was one of the top macrobiotic food specialists in the US, teaching classes in natural nutrition and cooking for celebrities.  

Dirks is author of two children’s books: Yummy Yummy in my Tummy and Mr. Hoppity’s Color Me Cookbook for Kids and did illustrations for Wild Food Foraging by Deborah Lee-Hoagie. The student work produced from her curriculums has created fund-raising opportunities for Pegasus Artworks - Boys and Girls Club of Delaware, Chester County Community Foundation, Coatesville Community Education Foundation and others. Dirks led a five organization sponsored tour called the Art of Hope, reaching ten locations and ending with a Festival of Hope event. 

To hear Michelle dirks’ valuable ideas, listen in Friday at 1 PM PT/2 PM MT/3 PM CT/4 PM ET, or any time afterwards on demand or podcast. Click on the link above or go to http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first and click on this episode to the right of the program home page.

Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tips: Be sure to have your child explore with you often your surroundings and neighborhood and also tell her or him stories of where you grew up and where their ancestors came from. Show them on a globe, a map, or google maps, and ask them to draw pictures of these places and stories!