Freedom to Work, Rest, Play Parents today have so many pressing calls on their attention that it can be crucial to remind ourselves exactly what we are about. As in any other enterprise, and this is the most important one, the clearer we are about our basic tasks the more successful we will be. As parents, we do not have a clod of dirt on our hands that we must mold into a decent human being. Instead we have a human spirit determined to grow and manifest her or his greatness. Our task is to create a healthy environment where this can take place. Because of our superior age, knowledge, and experience, we can create that healthy environment as long as we are not distracted by an endless array of other "shoulds." Like a bigger house, more cars, a better school, a more up-to-date phone, a better position on the team, a better job or income for the bread-winner, and so on. Not that these aren't important, they just need to be held in their proper place of priority. So what is a healthy environment for our child? Let's take the school-age child, for example. She or he needs exactly what we want too for ourselves: the freedom to do meaningful work, to get the rest and relaxation we need, and to have the place and time to play and have fun. If we keep these priorities in mind, scheduling becomes easier, setting reasonable rules becomes easier, and encouraging contribution to the chores of a home also becomes an integral part of family life. But we, as the parents, must understand that we are the rule-makers in our own home. Too many parents today assume they are supporting their children by letting them have absolute freedom. If this worked, nature would not have put us in change for 10 to 20 years, depending on your culture. To give just one example of a need for parental limits, a recent study, which included thousands of people around the world, demonstrated that when you go to bed is much more important for getting the rest you need, than what time you get up. For parents that means setting a bedtime which is 8 to 9 hours before the child must get up, and this is up to you. When I was a child, my pre-school teacher asked my mother why I was so easy-going and never got cranky in school. Mom told her that she didn't really know, but that we were sent outside to play every afternoon for a couple of hours and were tucked into bed at 8 every night. Today, parents must shut off video games, smart phones, and initiate a real conversation eye to eye to create a healthy environment for proper sleep. But it is worth it. I had many family counseling clients who were amazed that parenting issues like bad attitude, poor school performance, and "laziness" were often completely eliminated by seeing that the child had enough sleep. In my book The Seven Secrets of Successful Parents, you can find the other eleven basic needs of children, besides good sleep. As many have said before, freedom must be coupled with discipline. But not discipline of the children so much as self-discipline of the parents. Set a good example in your own life, be gentle but consistent and persistent, make a healthy environment a given in your home, and parenting will be a whole lot easier.  Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tips: Remember your child wants the wisdom and protection only you can provide, whether it appears that way at the moment or not. Be patient, listen, and then be clear what your rules and standards are. For more, visit my new websites! http://motherhoodtools.com and http://parenthoodtools.com.

Child-Rearing: Back to Basics!

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

Parenting seems to be in crisis today. The court case in Mississippi now in the news about an assistant school principal paddling a child who was seriously injured when he fainted afterwards, is bringing into stark focus the question of what kind of discipline today’s children need and from whom. How can parents decide what is the best way for them to raise their children? Especially when as parents they are hard pressed with economic stress, time stress, and widely different advice from all sides?

With my guest this week I am celebrating the first year of Family First! My guest this week is Dr. Robert E. Kay, who appeared on Family First as my first guest, talking about problems with our mode of educating our children. Dr. Kay will speak about getting back to the basics of parenting for his second visit. Dr. Kay is a psychiatrist who has worked with families for decades. He urges parents to return to the basics of child-rearing and he will share some powerful ideas which can help parents to make the best decision for their family and to help prevent problems later. Dr. Kay has wide familiarity with the many theories of child-rearing and believes parents can work with their children instead of against them to gain their cooperation and their respect.  

Click on the link above Friday April 27 at 4pm ET/1pm PT/2pm MT/3pm CT, or any time afterwards from your PC on demand or downloadable to hear this episode of Family First. 

Dr. Robert E. Kay graduated from Tufts University Medical School and received his psychiatric training at Walter Reed General Hospital. Following his military service, he served as Medical Director of The Center for Child Guidance and was a board member of The School in Rose Valley, Pennsylvania. Dr. Kay has decades of experience working with children and their families.  

Dr. Kay has published numerous articles on child rearing, interview techniques for youth, primary and secondary education, the American school system, enhancing children’s propensity for learning, and the teaching of reading. In recent years he has been greatly involved with the homeschooling, unschooling, and home education movements and has presented his ideas on teaching and learning on radio and television as well as in court. Father of three children, he is also author of the Foreword to the book, The Seven Secrets of Successful Parents. 

To hear Dr. Kay's insightful views on ways to make child-rearing easier, more effective, and more fun, listen in live this Friday April 27 at 4pm ET/1pm PT, or any time on archive. Just click on the link above. 

Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tips: In my book The Seven Secrets for Successful Parents, Dr. Kay explains in the Foreword how child-rearing has been distorted over time and how individual families can retrieve the core wisdom of the human family by playing close attention to the signals from the child on how to meet their needs from infancy on.