The Most Overlooked Way to Connect with Your Child

The Most Overlooked Way to Connect with Your Child
How often have you seen a parent walking with a child and looking down at their mobile phone? Have you thought about how this may be a missed opportunity to connect?

When you are with a child, every moment is a chance to connect and our moments seem ever harder to find with parent and child occupied with school, work, play, social media, grabbing a snack, getting where we want to go in a hurry.

But with kids, there is no time like the present. Eye contact is what they crave. It only takes a moment to let a child know you care, by stopping whatever you may be focused on (except when driving!) and looking into their eyes.

This simple task is the most overlooked way to connect with a child. And yet it is the simplest and the quickest. And it has the added benefit of putting you the parent in touch with your parental love.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes we even avoid eye contact with a child because we know instinctively that it will change our focus and reset our priorities in an instant?

It is a lot easier to say no if we avoid eye contact, if we can tell ourselves the child is bothering us, being unreasonable, can wait a minute, or can take care of him or herself.

But what they want most in that moment is to know they are top priority. And a warm look into their eyes can empower them like nothing else to wait, or to find their own amusement, or to solve their own problems.

You may find this simple step can save you all kinds of time talking, consoling, making excuses, fixing problems, and so on. If a child knows they are tops with you, their confidence soars and they feel more capable, independent, and yes happy.

Randy's Take Home Tip: Next time you heave a sigh and wonder how you will ever get everything done if your child wants your attention one more time, give her or him the gift of your direct undivided attention, demonstrated by your warm glance into their eyes. Love doesn't wait. It is only now. I knew I had to write my first parenting book when its title came into my mind: "You Can Postpone Anything But Love."

Please visit my brand new website designed to connect you with the best tools on the planet for creating the life you want with your child. http://www,parenthoodtools.com.

And tell me what you think!  

/No WIFI for French Students---Violence Imitated?

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/No-WIFI-for-French-Students---Violence-Imitated-.html?soid=1101558221222&aid=L8g-WJMAJbM

Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tips. Kids are kids because they are less experienced in the ways of the world than their parents and because they are less strong in mind and body, at least until they are about 14 years old. The way I see it, we have three main jobs are parents. First, protect them from physical and emotional risks they are not mature enough to appreciate. Second, provide them with the vital elements to sustain healthful living. And third, love them so they feel welcome, worthy, and appreciated as a member of the earth community. It's quite simple really, but it takes focus, energy, and time. If we delegate any of these functions to others, we must still be absolutely vigilant in their performance. Kids don't know what effects frequent exposure to violent images may have on their world view. And they can't appreciate what EMF radiation can do to them either. We must educate ourselves and draw the protective line of safety for them, meanwhile educating them as they mature on how to protect themselves. 

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

As spring approaches, get the kids outside! I was amazed that few children got out in the snow to sled and make smowmen after the few snows we had this year in the northeast. As parents it is our responsibility to direct our children to healthy environments and healthy activities. Get them away from the digital screens for some time each day outside.

 To learn more about the real importance of the outdoors, listen in to the Family First program on avoiding the "nature deficit disorder." My guest Ellen Haas has been teaching kids about enjoying nature responsibly and deeply for decades and is author of several books on the subject.

Just click on this link and listen in, or download the show to your mobile dievice.  http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/54356/do-our-children-have-nature-deficit-disorder.

Our indoor air is far more polluted than outdoor air in most neighborhoods. So just for the sake of breathing, it's good to get outdoors! Also there is space to move, to run, skip, roll around on the ground. Encourage free-wheeling play. And go outside yourself to set the tone. Kids are programmed to want to do what adults do, so show them how to enjoy the outdoors. Make it a family time and they will go for it and look forward to it. Take time to watch the birds and planes, to study the cloud formations, to notice the trees starting to bud with leaves. Pick up sticks around the yard, kick a ball around. Let your child make up games and play along. Laugh out loud. And they love hellping in the garden.

The rebalancing of mental moods and the physical play which happens outside helps everyone, but especially kids who seem to have attention problems. Listen in to my interview about the benefits of nature at

http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/54356/do-our-children-have-nature-deficit-disorder. 

 

Randy Rolfe Take Home Tips: We are all meant to connect with nature. As sophisticated as our civilization is, we are still born of this earth and require the vital energies of good air, pure water, restful energizing sleep, safe environment, quality nutrition, sunlight, and the blues and greens of the outdoors. If you want your kids to appreciate nature, you must do it with them. Kids are programmed to do what the adults around them do. So set an example by getting outside yourself and inviting them to be with you.

Stress - The Missing Link

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

If you ask someone if they have any stress, they either roll their eyes saying, “Doesn’t everybody?” or they laugh saying, “Who me?” We all have stressors in our lives, at home, at work, even on our dinner plate. Many assume it’s just that way and if we feel worn out there is nothing to do but fill up on energy drinks or medications. But online radio host Randy Rolfe’s guest this week on Family First says this is a formula for ruin. Peter M. McCarthy is author of the new book Adrenaline Nation, in which he describes how the chronic stress of modern life is not only making us sick but is also bankrupting our economy. He will share the changes that we can make to turn this process around and regain our ability to protect our health from stress. He holds a Doctorate in Traditional Naturopathy from Trinity College of Natural Health and is President of the Texas Complementary and Alternative Medicine Association and Chair of the Texas Health Freedom Coalition, the largest state level grass roots natural health advocacy network.

 

To hear the program, simply click on this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

 

Peter M. McCarthy, TN, is a board certified traditional naturopath and a sought after professional in the field of complementary and alternative medicine, CAM. He is CEO of AHI Productions, a media company which is creator of NHN-TV, the planet’s first TV network devoted to natural health and green living news, education, and entertainment. He is a past member of the Advisory Committee of the American Naturopathic Certification Board. He graduated from the US Air Force Academy in 1972 with a BS in Engineering Mechanics and an Air Force commission as a second lieutenant. A 20 year military veteran, he earned his MA in Management and Supervision from Central Michigan University while on active duty. He then became a Captain/First Officer for Southwest Airlines and later retired in 2009. His interest in naturopathy developed in the 80s and 90s as he saw the impact of stressors on the health of those around him. He and his wife Nancy live in Austin TX and have three grown children.

To hear the program, simply click on this link: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 pm PT, 2 pm MT, 3 pm CT, 4 pm ET, or any time afterwards online, or on podcast or apps.

 

Randy Rolfe Take Home Tips: A recent study showed that kids who got an extra hour sleep than they usually do were a whole lot more agreeable! We should hardly need a study to prove this to be true. But at least such reports come as a useful reminder! We all benefit from getting enough sleep. A good night's sleep is a powerful tool to help us renew our healthy stress response! Listen in to find out more. And assert your parental authority to get your kids to bed and to sleep (lights and screens off) on time.

Keep young Drivers Safe on the Road

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As our kids go back to school excited about the new year, parents worry about seeing them get into cars. Traffic crashes are the #1 cause of death for all people in the world ages 10 – 24 and for all people in USA under the age of 35. America has lost more lives (over 2 million) in 110 years of driving than all the wars we fought during the last 234 years. My guest this week on Family First is John E. Langan, a highly respected expert on traffic safety and crashes. He has testified in criminal and civil proceedings as an expert in traffic crashes in state and federal courts in Pennsylvania and New Jersey.

John Langan has been actively promoting traffic safety since 1969. He is founder and president of driveAWARE, a nonprofit traffic safety advocacy and victim support organization. In 1984, he founded and served as first president of the National Association of Traffic Accident Reconstructionists and Investigators. He has also testified before a Pennsylvania government committees on Teen Driver Safety.

Have your kids listen to this call! To hear the program, simply click on this link::http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 PM PT, 2 PM MT, 3 PM CT, 4 PM ET, or any time afterwards on podcast or apps.

Mr. Langan served for over 15 years as a police officer with the Warminster Police Department in suburban Philadelphia. His assignments included traffic safety engineering surveys, traffic safety educational articles and public speaking, and traffic safety enforcement. He was responsible for reconstruction of serious traffic crashes and assisting the Bucks County District Attorney’s Office in prosecutions, including Vehicular Homicide.

Langan left the police force after sustaining debilitating injuries assisting a fellow officer who was physically assaulted by a motorist stopped for reckless driving. He then earned a BA in Organizational Management from Eastern U. and an MBA. He is certified in traffic crash investigation from Northwestern U., U. of North Florida, and Texas A&M U. He is also certified by the Accreditation Commission for Traffic Accident Reconstruction. He is an active member of the Fraternal Order of Police and a volunteer driving safety instructor with the AARP.  

Ask your children to listen to this call! To hear the program, simply click on this link::http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 PM PT, 2 PM MT, 3 PM CT, 4 PM ET, or any time afterwards on podcast or apps.

Take Home Tips from Randy Rolfe: I recommend you drive with your child as many times as it takes for you to have faith in their caution, attention, and good sense. Don't assume because they have taken a driver's course that they know what to do!

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

Many of our cities are struggling with misdirected youth and increasing violence, whether over drugs, gangs, or simply explosive frustration. And smaller communities, suburbs, and rural areas are not immune. Many communities try to increase enforcement, keep kids in school, and find healthy activities for youth. My guest this week on Family First has found a whole new way of getting to youth which has proven amazingly effective and has been getting a lot of attention.

Orrin Checkmate Hudson says that the game of chess taught him that he was responsible for his own success or failure. His innovative programs help youth improve their focus and develop the analytical-thinking skills needed to make the winning move. A dynamic teacher, motivational speaker, and author, he has taught thousands better focus and decision-making skills through the game of chess. Hudson’s book “One Move at a Time” eloquently weaves chess strategy with 20 important life lessons into a great read for all ages.

 To hear the program, simply click on the link above or go to:http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 PM PT, 2 PM MT, 3 PM CT, 4 PM ET, or any time afterwards on podcast or apps.

Orrin Checkmate Hudson is founder of Be Someone, two-time World Open Speed Chess Champion, and author of “One Move at a Time.” The seventh of 13 children, Hudson grew up in public housing in Birmingham, Alabama, and found himself in and out of foster care. As a teenager, he was stealing tires and struggling in school, until James Edge, his high school English teacher, taught him the game of chess.

Says Hudson, "With his help, I began to understand life through a chessboard. He showed me that every move you make has consequences and in order to improve my game and my life, I had to make better choices.” Hudson won the Birmingham City Chess Championship in 1999 and 2000, despite being the lowest-ranking player in the tournament both times. Then in May 2000, news of a senseless and tragic robbery which killed five people inspired him to quit his job and use his life savings to found Be Someone. Hudson is married with seven children and is a member of Atlanta First Baptist Church.

Don't miss this dynamic interview!

To hear the program, simply click on the link above or go to:http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first Friday at 1 PM PT, 2 PM MT, 3 PM CT, 4 PM ET, or any time afterwards on podcast or apps.

Randy Rolfe Take Home Tip: Spending time with a youngster is the best way to have a positive influence on them. Make it light and fun and consistent with your own values and philosophy. Kids learn by observation and imitation, especially of the adults closest to them. So give them good stuff to imitate and observe!

Adventure Travel with Family?

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

What do you do when you want a complete change in your life? Many people today are talking about a midlife crisis, or even a quarter life crisis. Our current economic recession has many people thinking twice about where they are and where they would like to be. It can take courage to explore unconventional options. But one of the important ways to stay healthy is to not give up on your dreams. When you are busy with job and spouse and kids you may think that other adventures you dream about will never come. But opportunities can come in good time if you don’t give up on your dreams.

My guest this week on Family First made a courageous change in her life when she sold her house and decided to trek from Rome to Istanbul with her grown son. Stephanie Dale is an Australian journalist and is the author My Pilgrim’s Heart: A Woman’s Journey Through Marriage and Other Foreign Lands, which is a travel memoir of their walk through the Balkans and the Middle East.

To listen in this Friday at 4 PM ET, 3 PM CT, 2 PM MT, 1 PM PT, or any time afterwards on demand or podcast, go to http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first.  Or click on the link above.

 In 2007, at the age of 48, award-winning Australian journalist Stephanie Dale woke up one day and sold everything she owned – including her house – so that she was free to travel and write. Stephanie joined her son Ben for a walkabout journey, all on foot for Ben, mostly on foot for Dale, walking through ancient and war-torn countries. My Pilgrim’s Heart is an intimate account of the myriad landscapes, people, and cultures they encountered.

 Meanwhile her physical journey reflects her inner one of finding her place as a middle-aged woman baffled by the demands of her new marriage. Stephanie Dale earned her BA degree in journalism from South Australian College of Advanced Education. She has been awarded the Australian Journalist Association Prodi award for best feature in 1990, the Sir Harry Budd Memorial Award in 1992, and a gold medal IPPY award for Hymn for the Wounded Man for best fiction in 2011. She currently resides in Mullumbimby, Australia.

To hear Stephanie’s fascinating story, tune in this Friday at 4 PM ET, 3 PM CT, 2 PM Mt, 1 PM PT, or any time afterwards, by going to:  http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first. Or click on the link above.

Take home Tips from Randy Rolfe: Once when traveling with our three year old son and one year old daughter, our son seemed to be getting more and more anxious. We couldn't figure it out until I thought perhaps he was losing patience with all the different places we were going. So I explained to him that we would be back at our house in 8 days and counted them out for him to make sure he understood the concept. He immediately became his happy relaxed self. Keep your kids in the loop about your plans. They will go along with just about anything as long as they know you know what you are doing and you help them frame the experience with experiences they are familiar with.

Keep your kids slim, healthy, and happy all summer!

Family First | VoiceAmerica™


As summer approaches are looking forward to freedom and the outdoors and a more easy-going lifestyle. Maybe there will be a family road trip and interesting adventures! Meanwhile parents are wondering how to keep control of activities, make sure the kids do more than laze about and text their friends or play video games, meanwhile getting exercise, sticking with a sound diet, and avoiding putting on extra weight.

My guest this week on Family First is Dr. Felicia Stoler, a registered dietician and former host of TLC’s honey, We’re Killing the Kids. She has put together some great tips on how to plan for a great summer for children and parents. She will share ideas about how to prepare, how to travel, what kinds of snacks to have on hand, how to manage the attractions of junk food, how to limit road trip restroom breaks, and how to see that no one starts to have an expanding waistline over the summer. Listen in on how to make your summer healthy and happy.

To hear Dr. Stoler’s valuable tips, listen in this Friday at 1 PM PT/2 PM MT/3 PM CT/4 PM ET or any time afterwards on demand or downloadable, at:
http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first, or click on the link above..

Felicia D. Stoler, MS, RD, is a registered dietitian, exercise physiologist, and expert consultant in nutrition and healthful living. She is the former host for the reality show, “Honey We're Killing the Kids” on TLC. She specializes in integrating behavior modification to influence positive health outcomes. Stoler is the published author of numerous articles on nutrition, exercise, health, and wellness.

Stoler is the immediate Past President and Past Media/ PR leader for the NJ Dietetic Association and was VP of the Greater NY Chapter of the American College of Sports Medicine and the Nutrition Coordinator for ING NYC New York Road Runners Marathon. She currently serves on the NJ Council on Physical Fitness & Sports. Dr. Stoler is author of the new book, “Living Skinny in Fat Genes,” based on her own personal experience as well as many years helping others develop life long habits which put you in control of your weight and health.

Get great ideas for summer activities which keep kids healthy and occupied. Listen in this Friday at 1 PM PT/2 PM MT/3 PM CT/4 PM ET or any time afterwards on demand or downloadable, at: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first or just click on the link above.

RANDY ROLFE Take Home Tips: For healthy eating, limit the quantity of junk food in the house and set a good example by how you eat. Sit down to eat, even for snacks, and avoid chemical-laden or sugary drinks as well.

Build a child's confidence through sense of place!

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

In our fast-changing society today, many kids feel a bit adrift and their self-confidence can suffer. One of the most powerful ways to help them find their way is to help them reconnect with their cultural and family heritage and sense of place.

My guest this week is Michelle Dirks, who does exactly that. Michelle Dirks is an internationally acclaimed educator and artist has captured her secrets of teaching success in her Treasure House Press curriculums. For over fifteen years, she has taught children, ages 3-17, creative art programs from painting to print-making, primitive weaving to learning from the masters, calligraphy to urban-street art, recycled material murals  to martial arts, each creative opportunity rich and engaging for students. The result is children re-discovering their passion for learning. In a multi-disciplinary approach to art education, Michelle Dirks provides a vast knowledge base while enhancing self esteem and cooperative communication between her students.

Listen in Friday at 1 PM PT/2 PM MT/3 PM CT/4 PM ET, or any time afterwards on demand or podcast. Simply click on the link above or go to http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first and click on this episode to the right of the program home page. 

Michelle Dirks is a native of Ireland and graduate of Limerick College of Art and Design. She has been instrumental in founding Irish National Arts Programs, with grants from The Art Council of Ireland. Dirks shares her enthusiasm for life-long learning with her students to nurture their creativity and sense of heritage. She was one of the top macrobiotic food specialists in the US, teaching classes in natural nutrition and cooking for celebrities.  

Dirks is author of two children’s books: Yummy Yummy in my Tummy and Mr. Hoppity’s Color Me Cookbook for Kids and did illustrations for Wild Food Foraging by Deborah Lee-Hoagie. The student work produced from her curriculums has created fund-raising opportunities for Pegasus Artworks - Boys and Girls Club of Delaware, Chester County Community Foundation, Coatesville Community Education Foundation and others. Dirks led a five organization sponsored tour called the Art of Hope, reaching ten locations and ending with a Festival of Hope event. 

To hear Michelle dirks’ valuable ideas, listen in Friday at 1 PM PT/2 PM MT/3 PM CT/4 PM ET, or any time afterwards on demand or podcast. Click on the link above or go to http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1916/family-first and click on this episode to the right of the program home page.

Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tips: Be sure to have your child explore with you often your surroundings and neighborhood and also tell her or him stories of where you grew up and where their ancestors came from. Show them on a globe, a map, or google maps, and ask them to draw pictures of these places and stories! 

Turn frustration and anger into peace and composure

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

Parents have lots to feel upset about today, with pressure from the economy, pressure from jobs, pressure from the normal responsibilities at home which don’t diminish with these other added pressures, and then extra pressure to have their children succeed in school so they won’t be unemployed, plus daily pressure from advertisers to keep up with the social competition. No wonder parents’ patience can wear thin and anger begins to affect family relationships. Kids too get angry. They feel pressure to achieve, feel the stress of keeping up, and have less time and support from parents.

My guest this week is Jules Shuzen Harris Sensei, a leader in the teaching of Zen Buddhism, and the founder and Vice Abbot of Soji Zen Center in Lansdowne, PA. Buddhist philosophy has grown in popularity over the last fifty years because of its unique approach to handling powerful emotions through methods to calm the mind and relieve our stress, which methods Shuzen will share with us.

To hear the show live online, click on the above link at 1 pm PT/2 pm MT/3 pm CT/4 pm ET. The show is also archived for on demand, download, or podcast.

Jules Shuzen Harris Sensei received Shiho from Enkyo Roshi at the Wisdom House in Litchfield, Connecticut and became her second Dharma successor. Shuzen is a member of the Zen Peacemakers Sangha, the Soto Zen Buddhist Association, and the American Zen Teachers Association. Shuzen is a Soto Priest who has practiced Buddhism for more than 25 years. In August 2006, Shuzen received Hoshi from Enkyo Roshi at the Grail. In May 2002, Shuzen, an assistant teacher at Kanzeon Zen Center, Salt Lake City, UT, received Denkai (transmission of the precepts) from Genpo Roshi, Abbott of the Center.

Jules Shuzen Harris holds an Ed.D. with a concentration in applied human development. As a psychotherapist, Shuzen has found creative ways to synthesize Western psychology and Zen to achieve dramatic results for patients and students. He also holds black belts in Iaido (the use of a samurai sword) and in Kendo (Japanese fencing). He founded two Japanese swordsmanship schools in Albany, NY and Salt Lake.

To enjoy Jules' insights live, click on the above link this Friday at 4 pm ET/3 pm CT/2 pm MT/1 pm PT. The show is also archived for podcast, on demand, RSS, and download anytime.

Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tip: Thomas Jefferson said to count to ten when your blood starts to boil. Most of the things that make us angry are just things over which we have no control when we thought we did. Rethink the situation and don't let outside circumstances change your inner state of peace and joy! Remember, your example is more powerful than you can imagine for how your children will later handle their circumstances.

Child-Rearing: Back to Basics!

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

Parenting seems to be in crisis today. The court case in Mississippi now in the news about an assistant school principal paddling a child who was seriously injured when he fainted afterwards, is bringing into stark focus the question of what kind of discipline today’s children need and from whom. How can parents decide what is the best way for them to raise their children? Especially when as parents they are hard pressed with economic stress, time stress, and widely different advice from all sides?

With my guest this week I am celebrating the first year of Family First! My guest this week is Dr. Robert E. Kay, who appeared on Family First as my first guest, talking about problems with our mode of educating our children. Dr. Kay will speak about getting back to the basics of parenting for his second visit. Dr. Kay is a psychiatrist who has worked with families for decades. He urges parents to return to the basics of child-rearing and he will share some powerful ideas which can help parents to make the best decision for their family and to help prevent problems later. Dr. Kay has wide familiarity with the many theories of child-rearing and believes parents can work with their children instead of against them to gain their cooperation and their respect.  

Click on the link above Friday April 27 at 4pm ET/1pm PT/2pm MT/3pm CT, or any time afterwards from your PC on demand or downloadable to hear this episode of Family First. 

Dr. Robert E. Kay graduated from Tufts University Medical School and received his psychiatric training at Walter Reed General Hospital. Following his military service, he served as Medical Director of The Center for Child Guidance and was a board member of The School in Rose Valley, Pennsylvania. Dr. Kay has decades of experience working with children and their families.  

Dr. Kay has published numerous articles on child rearing, interview techniques for youth, primary and secondary education, the American school system, enhancing children’s propensity for learning, and the teaching of reading. In recent years he has been greatly involved with the homeschooling, unschooling, and home education movements and has presented his ideas on teaching and learning on radio and television as well as in court. Father of three children, he is also author of the Foreword to the book, The Seven Secrets of Successful Parents. 

To hear Dr. Kay's insightful views on ways to make child-rearing easier, more effective, and more fun, listen in live this Friday April 27 at 4pm ET/1pm PT, or any time on archive. Just click on the link above. 

Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tips: In my book The Seven Secrets for Successful Parents, Dr. Kay explains in the Foreword how child-rearing has been distorted over time and how individual families can retrieve the core wisdom of the human family by playing close attention to the signals from the child on how to meet their needs from infancy on.

Stimulating a response from your teen

Here is a great question from a reader from a while back - I just discovered it!:

What if your teen doesn't say anything, even though you give them the first chance to talk or what if they consistently say "I don't know"? When teens "opt out" every time there is a conversation, the parent may have to be the only one talking. Then it turns into lecture again instead of a dialogue.
It's like opening a trap door instead of a window.

So many parents are faced with this problem on a daily basis. It becomes a sad routine which neither parent nor child enjoy, but the parent wants to make the effort. Here is my suggestion. First, just forget about having a conversation for a day or two and simply smile, give eye contact, and say a normal greeting, like, "Hi, how's it going?" or "How're you doing?" or "what's up?" Whatever is most normal to you, but one of those greetings for which people usually don't expect a response. And don't expect one this time either. The greeting is meant only as a greeting, to acknowledge the other person and wish them well. Simply smile and go about your business.

Your child will notice that you have not tried to start a conversation. They may anticipate one later. So keep this up for a day or two. Your child may actually be the first one to break the pattern. They may ask, "What's up?" or "Why no questions?" and so on. Just smile and say something like, "I thought I'd give you some space," or "I know you've got lots going on and me too, so I thought I'd lighten up."

If the teen doesn't make the first move, then on the third day say, share something that is going on for you. Like, you had to go back to the store for something you forgot. Or your coworker said something nice to you today. Or you are planning to buy a new cushion for the dog. Something non-controversial and basically about your experience of life.

You'll probably get an "Oh" response, but if you do this for a day or two, chances are very good the child will start to share that kind of thing herself or himself.

Next, you can start asking open ended questions, not like "How was school today," but rather, "I forgot what I came into the room for just now. Did that ever happen to you?" Or, my friend is having a birthday and I want to get her more than just a card. Any suggestions?"

Ask about common human experiences or ask for everyday kind of advice. By doing this, you are acknowledging the humanness and growing maturity of your child. Exactly what she or he needs to begin to trust that you appreciate them as maturing beings with their own good sense and values. This kind of acknowledgment is irresistible to kids - and to all of us - and will lead to a more open and respectful relationship which will keep on growing.

It sounds like quite a process, but if you review it each day and stick with it, you will be surprised and delighted with the results. The big temptation is that when you start to feel the gates are opening you will just rush right in with attempts at deeper probing etc. Resist! Before you know it, your conversations will make you proud.

Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tip: Kids need full recognition throughout their lives and even from a young age for their worthiness and importance. This doesn't mean constant praise or unrealistic expectations. Instead it means honoring their words by listening free of judgment or agenda, responding to their expressed needs in caring ways, asking their opinion in matters that concern them,  and being clear about your interest in advising and protecting them with regard to finding their way in the world.

Hope and Insight from a rare experience of death and recovery

Family First | VoiceAmerica™

Each of us has our own relationship with our Creator which we develop from our parents, our church experience, our community and culture, and our own personal experience. One of the issues all humans face is the meaning of life and death and what may happen once our bodies give out. My guest this week is Dean Braxton, who had a serious health crisis which led to his clinical death. Yet he did come back and has a moving story of his experience while his body had stopped working. He says many of the ideas he had adopted during his years of service as a minister were shattered by his experience of the unfailing love God offers.

Dean and his wife Marilyn, married 27 years with six children, now travel the world to share his experience, which has been documented by the hospital medical records. Also serving in human services for over 20 years, Dean Braxton tells their story in his book In Heaven Experiencing the Throne of God. Their mission is to give hope in a unique and transparent way.

Listen to our interview on Family First with Dean Braxton this Friday at 1 PM PT, 2 PM Mt, 3 PM CT, 4 PM ET, or anytime afterwards on your PC or smart phone, or download for MP3, RSS, or apps. Just click on the link above and select Family First and April 13. 

Dean and Marilyn Braxton are licensed ministers, serving through their By His Word Christian Center, in Tacoma, Washington. Dean Braxton served for 35 years as senior and assistant Pastor, board member, youth leader, Life Skill Pastor and more at various churches. He served as a Program Manager for the Juvenile Drug Court/Chemical Dependency Disposition Alternative (CDDA) for King County and was a member of the senior management team for the King County Superior Juvenile Court System.

Dean served for 20 years also for the U.S. Air Force Reserve as a Chemical Dependency, Human Relations and Equal Opportunity Superintendent. He has helped train over 400 parents in parenting skills and given over 1,000 training presentations dealing with subjects addressing human service issues. In addition to working with youth, he has coordinated three prevention treatment family conferences. He helped develop a number of model programs funded by the U.S. government, King County, and private industries.

Click on the link above to hear Dean Braxton's moving story this Friday at 1 PM PT, 2 PM MT, 3 PM CT, and 4 PM ET, or any time afterwards on your PC or smartphone, or download to MP3, RSS, apps, etc.

Randy Rolfe"s Take Home Tips: Children come with a natural spiritual awareness of their connection to the whole of creation. Help them nurture that sense that the world is good and that love is at the core of the human experience. Avoid introducing limiting beliefs and doctrines which.complicate or compromise their innate good sense and wish to please and prosper. Having kids is a great opportunity and I think even a calling to reexamine our own innate awareness of our connectedness to all that is good in the world.

Rethinking Everything?

Family First VoiceAmerica™

Click on this link to hear my guest on Family First share her experience and wisdom on Rethinking Everything!

Do you sometimes get the feeling that a lot of what you were taught or picked up along the way from experts about life, family, parenting, marriage, sex, love, and kids is not really useful or true? Have you felt that you have done a lot of reinventing, reassessing, as you go along, in your career, family relationships, and sense of self and your mission? My guest this week, Barb Lundgren, has not only done this with a passion but she has created a safe space where families can come together to do this kind of exploration.

Barb Lundgren has found that too often we are led down a path of conformity, intimidation, and self-doubt which does not get us where we want to go and even worse, limits the prospects for our children. Each year she gathers families together who are seeking to get to the core truth of living in joy and transformation in a community focused on freedom and creativity. Listen in to experience a wealth of ideas on how to rethink everything without getting lost in the process.

Barb Lundgren is the founder of the international conference on Rethinking Everything, now in its 16th year. Rethinking Everything passionately supports all ways of becoming and living authentically. This life-altering conference hosts hundreds of children, teens, young adults, parents, and grandparents each year, in the Dallas area of Texas, in early September. Find more detail at: www.rethinkingeverything.net. Barb is also the co-publisher of three revolutionary magazines: Rethinking Everything PARENT, LIFE and SEX. You can tell your own personal story of transformative change by going to: www.rethinkingeverythingpublishing.com.

Barb's most important work and greatest change has revolved around her children, now grown. She made an early decision in her mothering career to give up everything she thought she knew about children, parenting, and education and to create a rich environment to support their freedom to be. The 30 years since have been nothing short of remarkable!

Click on the above link or this one to go directly to the show. It's live Fridays, 4 PM ET, 3 PM CT, @ PM MT, and 1 PM PT. http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/59656/how-about-rethinking-everything

Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tip: Sure, consult the experts, but also consult your own experience, perceptions, impressions, and life lessons. No one knows you or your kids or your family like you do. Be ready to rethink your most basic assumptions if they aren't working for you today. Most great breakthroughs have come from someone questioning a long accepted assumption.

Surprise sources of toxins in the home

Family First VoiceAmerica™

Technology has given us a great number of conveniences for our lifestyles, but those very same technologies can have a negative impact on our health and our environment. This technological impact is nowhere more evident than in our society's penchant to utilizing synthetic cleaning chemicals in our commercial and residential buildings. A great deal of research and testing has gone into the development of a variety of technological solutions to this pervasive pollution from our cleaning processes, and these innovations have been grouped under the umbrella of a revolution in the way we can clean our buildings, led by my guest this week, Vince Elliott, considered the leading expert on developing safe cleaning strategies for the home and workplace. Studies have shown a link between common cleaning agents and serious threats like asthma, allergies, immune deficiency, heart disease, and cancer. Find out how to protect your family from toxins and have a home which is truly clean and healthy.

Click on the link above to listen to Vince Elliott's important tips on minimizing chemical exposure in your home. Listen live Friday at 4 PM ET, 3 PM CT, @ PM MT, 1 PM PT. Or any time on archive after the show.

Vince Elliott, B.S., M.H.S., established The Chemical Free Cleaning Network in Baltimore after four decades of professional experience in developing innovative cleaning strategies. He has brought disparate technologies and strategies under one connected organization to benefit building proprietors, janitorial services, homeowners, and our ecosystem as a whole. Chemical Free Cleaning strives to provide a systematic solution to man-made chemical pollution and the presence of artificial substances. Vince is a pioneer in applying “performance based contracting” and the cleaning measurement sciences. Vince has helped negotiate over 530 cleaning service contracts. A graduate in Economics from Towson University, Vince has a Master of Health Sciences from Johns Hopkins University. He has been a university professor in management strategies and has received numerous awards. He is author of the Extreme Green Cleaning Book Digest and the ebook A Chemical Free Cleaning Guide for Your Home.

To hear Vince's important information for your family's health, go to: http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/59179/making-your-home-safe-from-toxic-chemicals

Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tips: Comon household chemicals used in cleaning are often toxic. conventional wisdom has been that the quantities are small enough that the effects are minimal. But when you add them all together with the other pollutants in our environments, the cumulative burden on our immune, detoxification, and elimination systems is ever growing, and can be the cause of many unexpected health problems, especially in the elderly and for our kids. Old standbys like vinegar, baking soda, Bon Amis, Borax, and natural soaps do just fine, along with a bit of "elbow grease," that is, scrubbing by hand.

Help your child become naturally thin!

The national epidemic of obesity is in the news daily. Even the once slender Europeans and Asians are putting on the fat. It’s not just about suffering from lower energy, weakened self-image, and possible ridicule. Studies link obesity to early development of the life-threatening degenerative conditions of modern living including diabetes, cardiovascular problems, respiratory problems, and cancer. Because of obese children, it is said this coming generation will have a shorter life expectancy than their parents. Yet polls indicate that as many as half the population is on diets. How can this be? My guest this week is Jean Antonello, a Registered Nurse, who has found the key to achieving and maintaining your natural healthy weight without dieting. In fact she will explain how dieting can be the cause of obesity rather than the solution. She is author of How to Become Naturally Thin by Eating More and two other notable books on this subject. This show could truly save someone’s life.

To hear Jean's great approach listen in Friday at 1 PM PT or 4 PM ET to:
http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/57351/help-your-child-be-naturally-thin

Jean Antonello has a Bachelors of Science in Nursing and is a Registered Nurse. She struggled with her own weight for 17 years, going on multiple popular diets, watching her weight come back with a vengeance once it was lost, and leading a dieting lifestyle which left her feeling out of control. After finding that numerous experts and publications could not explain the problem she and millions of others were facing with the yo-yo diet effect, Jean began her own studies. She discovered that the problem was not a psychological one or even the effect of eating too much and not moving enough. Instead it was a natural physiological effect which she could work with, instead of fighting against her body. Jean has helped families around the world and her groundbreaking books include How to Become Naturally Thin by Eating More, Naturally Thin Kids, inspired by working with her daughter, and Breaking Our of Food Jail, for those with eating disorders.. Find out how to never diet again!

Listen in Friday at 4 PM ET, or 1 PM PT, or any time after to:
http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/57351/help-your-child-be-naturally-thin

Randy's Take Home Tip: Children choose a good mix of foods when the quality of the food available is high - that means whole, fresh, lots of color, lots of fiber, moisture, and varied. Let kids eat when they are hungry but make meals a social event so that they stay long enough that they will form good habits of chewing and enjoying their food so that snacking will be based on hunger, not cravings.

What’s With Today’s Weddings?

After all the flowers, caterers, favors, videographers,
expensive gowns and decorations, what does today’s wedding really mean to the
bride and groom or to the guests? Are weddings just a big party? Many young
couples want their weddings outside of conventional settings or just outside.
Can there still be mystery, a spiritual bonding, a sense of the miraculous? My
guest Paul Mayer has officiated at hundreds of weddings and has found a way to bring
back the transformational meaning traditional cultures saw in weddings.

To hear Paul's brilliant approach to today's weddings, tune in this Friday at 4 PM ET, 1 PM PT, to: http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/57020/whats-with-todays-weddings.

Mayer’s wedding ministry came to him after over half a century of leadership in the
cause of peace and justice, from civil rights work with Reverend Martin Luther
King, Jr. to efforts regarding Central America, the Vietnam War, the Soviet
Union, Israeli-Palestinian relations, Japanese Atomic Bomb Survivors, Cuba,
and the Climate Crisis. Father Mayer will share his powerful insights about how
weddings and family can help to create a better world.

Paul Mayer is a non-canonical, formerly married priest. His
experience as a young Jewish refugee from Nazi Germany inspired him to cofound
Children of War to help young survivors of wars. Becoming Catholic and then a
Benedictine monk, his work with Dr. King in the 1965 voting rights campaign set
him on a lifelong path of organizing for global peace, social justice, ecology,
and non-violent social change.

His efforts have included pioneering liberation
theology in Central America, working with Jesse Jackson in the Rainbow Coalition, addressing the 1984 Democratic Convention on nuclear disarmament, coordinating the Catonsville Nine Defense Committee in support of religious non-violent action, and working with other world luminaries of the last 50 years. Most recently he cofounded the Climate Crisis Coalition and has received honors for his non-fiction writing. His new book, Wrestling With Angels: A Spiritual Memoir of A Political Life, is due for publication soon.

To hear Paul's brilliant approach to today's weddings, tune in this Friday at 4 PM ET, 1 PM PT, to: http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/57020/whats-with-todays-weddings.

Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tip: The tone of the parents' relationship sets the tone for the relationships with the children. Take time to reenforce your primary relationship as parents. When we show love and respect and patience with our spouse, our children learn by example how to treat each other and others outside the familly. Celebrate your relationship regularly and let your kids know how important it is to you.

Family Stress - Can Meditation Help?

We hear every day about kids overwhelmed by school and sports schedules, by stress from cliques and bullies in school, by fears of failure or violence, by melodrama online, by pressures from family and friends, by self-image problems, by emotional eating, by poor sleep habits, and even by worry over the economy and the environment. Can something as simple as meditation practice make a difference? Is it something you can teach to kids? And will they take to it? My guest today, Dina Colada, is not only an accomplished teacher of meditation and a master in a number of other modalities for building a more amazing life, but she is also a mother who has found meditation very useful in her family. She will not only share with us how to introduce the practice and ways it can be beneficial and any cautionary tips, but she will also lead some short meditations for us during the show so that you can try them yourself right away. So do listen in!

Go to http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/55763/stressed-out-kids-can-meditation-help at 1 PM PT or 4 PM ET, or any time to listen on your PC or download the MP3 to your handheld.

Randy Rolfe's Take Home Tip: Take a minute or two every hour or two to center and relax. It's good for the moods, for the eyes, for the attention span, and for your sanity! Meditation is a more deliberate and highly developed version of this natural means of styaing in touch with your true self. Your listening skills improve, your responses are calm, and you will fee more in control of any situation in the home.
Check out the helpful scenarios described in the new edition of Randy Rolfe's book, The Seven Secrets of Successful Panrets. Go to www.sevensecretsofsuccessfulparents to find out more.

Dark literature for Teens

As a parenting counselor, Randy Rolfe, that's me, has taken a great deal of interest in the lively discussion prompted by the Wall Street Journal article about the trend towards dark and graphic literature for teens. Authors of these novels say that they are helping teens deal with the dark side of life they encounter around them and make wiser choices. Authors run too from the idea of censoring these books, reminding us that we live in a society of free expression. Parents take different positions, some saying they trust their children to choose books wisely, others saying they vet or read their children's literature and sometimes discuss it, while others maintain that the stories are unnecessarily dark and give children the wrong impression of life.

Children as far back as we know have always been fascinated by the macabre, since adults seldom talk about such things with their children, unless they are trying to scare them, so there is mystery and fascination. Grimm's fairytales are pretty grim, for example. But as the author of the WSJ article pointed out, there is a definite trend towards more graphic descriptions of the ugly side of abuse and violence of all kinds. Do any of us really need to have such images in our minds, much less our kids?

One factor rarely included in these discussions is the fact that today's children have less supervision than any previous generation. With a single working parent, or two parents working sometimes three of four jobs, kids are largely unsupervised. We hear about helicopter parents, but these are not the opposite of these parents who don't supervise, they are just the ones more attached to getting the results they want to see in their children's lives. They are a result of this same trend in our society towards putting a great deal of responsibility on children to raise themselves. Helicopter parents just check up on them more. It is completely unrealistic to expect a child who gets seduced by the graphic depictions of the underside of life to realize that there are happier healthier alternatives to the startle factor in a book recommended by an admired friend at school. Instead, parents do need to stay in charge of what their teens are exposed to. That's why they are still under our roof. They still need guidance from the adult best placed to give it to them.

What comes into our house and into our children's hands is OUR responsibility. Whatever your child is reading, whatever movie they want to see, whatever friend they want to hang out with, it's our job to exert guidance, to advise, discuss, listen, and set perameters. The frequency of exposure is just as important as the substance of the material. This discussion is much like the one about violent video games. Sure we want our children to love to read, but it is our job to see that ALL their literature isn't dark, because they WILL get a skewed view of life. Sure we allow our children to play a violent video game once in a while with friends, but it is our job to see that it is not so often that they become jumpy, fearful, and inattentive, as videogame addicts do.

As a lawyer, I am sensitive to the argument that these dark books are a matter of free speech. Of course we should not prohibit them. This is not a matter for the government or the law. It is a matter for the parents. And the discussion is a critical one to have, because parents need to know what is out there, what the trends are, and what they want to do to help their children mature in a healthy way.

Take Home Tip from Randy Rolfe: Tell your children what you are reading and why and what you are getting out of it, whether fun, adventure, learning, or whatever, and then ask them about their reading. Avoid being judgmental but keep the conversation going. If their tastes are becoming too one-sided, suggest that together you explore some of your old favorites. Or take time on your own to discover contemporary books that are more in the direction you would like them to go and ask them to do you the favor of trying them out.

The impact of pets and the arts for our kids

Randy Rolfe, that's me, is pleased to address two very important elements in our homes which can have surprisingly profound effects on our children. The first is the pets we invite into our home and the second is the artistic endeavors we encourage our children to explore.

These are the topics of two great shows, the one on pets was live last week July 1, and the show on the arts is coming up tomorrow July 8! Be sure to catch them on archive or podcast if you miss the live presentation.

My guests are always highly knowledgeable and enthusiastic about their topics so don't miss these shows. They are also fun and insightful. I guarantee you will get at least one valuable little nugget from any episode of Family First on Voice America!

Here are the links to the shows.

Pets:
http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/54794/what-pets-can-mean-to-your-child

Kids and the Arts:

http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/54986/why-kids-need-the-creative-arts

Tell your friends about these helpful shows! We had 6000 listeners to our first month of shows! Thanks so much and let's get some more!

Take-Home Tips from Randy Rolfe: Don't introduce kids too early to pets and don't expect them to take care of them until they are really ready. Of course kids want a kitten or puppy but unless they are old enough to understand that they are not toys, put it off. If the parent wants a pet, then it is the parent's responsibility to care for it until the child wants to help. Remember, they are wonderful creatures and demand the same care and attention that we all need!